Archives for January 2022

The Rona Visit

This is an odd bit of writing. In it, I am being as clear as I can and also deliberately obtuse; censorship is alive and real both in the USA and around the globe. And while this is my website, it is hosted; I’ve heard of sites being pulled down. Therefore, I’m being extra, extra cautious.

Rona arrived in early November and stayed for about two weeks. I’m not even sure how she got here – she didn’t show up on foot or in a car.

I had a bit of a scratchy throat, and then BAM! Lethargy hit and didn’t leave for more than a week.

Lethargy is like carrying a weighted blanket around all day. It quite literally weighs you down as if you’re carrying a cement block. Standing up is tiring. Fixing food, cleaning the cat litter, just doing regular things around the house – all exhausting.

I had fever, not bad. I didn’t have breathing or oxygen issues; my sister made sure I had a pulse oximeter and breathed deeply throughout the day. I slept sitting up, or at least supported so I wasn’t lying down.

I tried lying on my stomach (aka proning) but failed as my nose was too stuffed up and runny.

I lost taste and smell. They have both mostly returned but not quite as acute; let’s say a 95% to the previous 100%. I still can’t smell fouled kitty litter or green experiments pulled from the refrigerator, so that’s OK with me.

I took vitamin C, D, zinc, and drank copious amounts of Gatorade and water to stay hydrated. I moved every day…very slowly. I spent long hours reading books and watching YouTube videos.

I quarantined for two weeks and, by then, was recovered enough to venture out into the world a bit. I would have struggled mightily if not for the support of friends and family.

I knew I was improving when the lethargy lifted, like a kite in the wind, like a breeze cooling the humidity of summer.

Farewell Nebula

During this visit, my 16-year-old cat, Nebula was extra quiet. In retrospect, I believe she was actively dying because on November 23 she crossed the rainbow bridge peacefully at home.

She ‘helped’ in the kitchen. She sniffed out freshly cooked chicken a mile away and gobbled chunks of the same in seconds. I miss her sassy tail, ‘cauliflower’ ear, rubbies for days, and that amazing purr.

Miss Nebula was cremated and her remains are in a biodegradable urn. When my 18-year-old Ivan passes, he will also be cremated. I’ll bury all my cats together and plant some catnip and a tree. I’ll be cat-free then, and life will be weird for awhile as I adjust to no pets and no purrs, and no ten-pound cat sleeping on my chest.

HelloFresh

HelloFresh, that ubiquitous home meal service, kept me going during the Rona visit. Every week three meals showed up and I had to do something with them. I cooked, I ate, and couldn’t taste much of anything. I kept eating, though, because I knew it was good quality food.

As a darned good cook, I never thought I’d like HelloFresh, but darn it all, I love it. Recently a box went missing and was never delivered; I panicked thinking of all time I’d spend thinking about what to eat, shopping for what to eat, dragging the groceries into the house, putting the groceries away, not using all of the groceries. It was hours!

I have free HelloFresh boxes available if you’re interested. Here’s another tip if you’re interested in HelloFresh: keep your eyes peeled online for discounts. They market aggressively, so surely you can find a better deal than a free box. For example, I started to use HelloFresh around September because there deal for something like ten free boxes or meals over Labor Day weekend.

The Sky Is Blue

To say the least, Rona is controversial; she’s divided the world in so many ways. At the bare minimum, I’m confident someone’s been lying to all the people of the world.

Depending on what you read or hear or watch, wacky theories have come true right before our eyes: these last two years have been like weird disaster movies come to life. It still feels like I’m watching a train wreck in e…x…t…r…a…s…l…o…w…m…o…t…i…o…n.

You can’t see the lying, unless you’ve looked at other things and put the pieces together.

It’s like transcending the animal, pulling the pieces of your small ego apart, and then reassembling yourself as whole.
It’s like going through menopause; you come out on the other side utterly changed and utterly the same person.

In the Athens meditation groups back in the 90’s, we’d use the phrase “the sky is blue” to describe a moment of enlightenment – tiny enlightenment.

You don’t see that the sky is blue until you look at it with new eyes. Then, like a flash of lightening, you know and understand. It’s a gnostic knowledge, something you don’t know until you do, and once you do, you have always known.

You don’t know what childbirth is like until you’ve gone through it. Then you do, and the sky is blue.
You don’t know what love is until you’ve experienced it. Then you do, and the sky is blue.

Dark Blue Ice Cream

In this post from 2019 I wrote about ice cream being evil as a metaphor for the way we see and experience the world. It is definitely true in this era of Rona:

The hardest work is that which we do on ourselves: that work of uncovering the lies we’ve told ourselves or the lies we’ve been led to believe.

Rona is evil ice cream. It’s an unbearable deep dark blue sky that not everyone is able or willing to view or acknowledge.

So often we see the world in terms of opposites: black or white, yin or yang. yes or no. But my experience tells me the world is full of nuance. There are shadows we are not yet aware of just as there is light and color we cannot see.

I am being very cautious here. As much as I’d like to stick my head up and shout, that’s just not my style, and I believe shouting does very little to change perception.

But here I am saying something, anything. And, if you’re curious and want to go deep, we can talk.

Are You Curious?

“What is it that you understand right now about what’s happening? If I sense some ambivalence…then I’ll say, “Are you curious? Are you interested in learning about some other information or some other viewpoints that you might not be aware of right
Dr. Mark McDonald

Are you curious about other viewpoints? Where did you learn to believe what you believe.

In some ways, the roads have already split: jab or no jab. I am not jabbed.

Hidden things, things we choose to not look at, are big and scary: they are the evil ice cream of our lives.

Rona was a pain in the butt, but she wasn’t all that scary; certainly not scary enough to warrant all that’s happened in the last couple of years.

The best I can say is that I’ve become infinitely more comfortable with myself, if that was possible. I have become braver, if even in a minuscule way. Little changes add up to big changes add up to sea changes.

The sea has changed for me.

I haven’t stopped being curious about everything. I keep looking, keep searching. And I still believe in beauty and love and friendship and family.

I believe in the things that really matter. Even if I don’t always show it, I do, in fact, love you.

Look.

Once you see, the sky is blue.

(or perhaps it’s purple and my eyes have not yet adjusted to the new color.)

You can’t “unsee” that beautiful, deep blue.

Paradox, possibilities, the endless swirl of the clock arms.

If you’re looking for answers, I have none: they are within you.

If you’re looking for reassurance that you made the right choice, I can only say I am OK with mine.

We must, after all, make peace with ourselves before we’re able to do so with others and the world. This is part of the great work, the work that changes everything.

Tools for the road

HelloFresh (not an affiliate link.)
While Rona was here, I loved watching Great Canal Journeys on YouTube. It’s as much about love, partnership, and life as it is about a love of the canals of England and beyond.
Having lived in London for six months many years ago, I adore watching London Free Tours by Foot on YouTube, too. I keep saying to myself, “Oh, I remember walking down this road” or “Oh, yep, but it looked a little different in the 80s.” Try the rock n’ roll tour or the Stonehenge tour.
Books I read catalogued on GoodReads and LibraryThing. I try to keep both of them up-to-date; last year I read 65 books. I almost didn’t make my goal of 60 books, so this year I’m shooting for 50.
The remainder of these links will bring cognitive dissonance to life for you and you and you. Read as much as you are able. Stop when you are tired or overwhelmed, and then read a bit more. There is so much to learn can be exhausting.
I am on Telegram and have a Telegram Channel where I share curated information that is not available in mainstream media.
Zelenko Protocol saves lives.
Catherine Austin Fitts for financial stuff. This interview is a must. She publishes the Solari Report
Mercola for health advice. So censored he now publishes articles one day, then removes them within 72 hours.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s book is a must read. It is a horrifying look at the AIDs crisis and guess who lead? Sigh; why is this man still in charge? (Not an affiliate link.)
6 companies that own almost all the media
The website NoJabForMe. Start with Part 1.
Corey’s Digs Investigative Journalism. Start with tools for redpilling volume 6 (yes, redpilling, just like The Matrix)
Great Awakening Map links conspiracies and more.

Transcending The Animal

“We are animals, certainly. Anyone who forgets that we are animals is very disfocused and unlikely to obtain a higher state. There is no point to attaining a higher state unless you are in an animal body. Animals don’t need a higher state. Presumably if you’re out of a body you don’t need a higher state either. A fundamental question that used to be part of most philosophy was why are we here? Why do we exist? What is the purpose of this so-called meaningless existence where we are born, we have a few fun years and then we proceed to get old and sick and tired and worn out…
Ron Mangravite, Transformation of the Self and the Universe, part one, tape one, March 25, 1995, Athens, Georgia,

Commentary

In pursuing spirituality, in meditation, in pursuing anything with true dedication and passion, you are an animal trying to reach the heavens aka the light.

You are trying to transcend -to go beyond the range or limits- of our base animal instincts and reactions and become more “godlike.”

The animal in us hates the light. The animal wants nothing more than to “namastayinbed.” The animal wants to stay stuck in the same old routines and patterns.

For example, have you ever really thought about smiling?

Smile

If you doubt you have an animal body, take one look at your smile.

Walk on over to the mirror, and smile at yourself.

What do you see?

You see a human with their lips stretched, the ends of those lips turning up. You may see teeth.

The eyes may be squinting, cheekbones lifting. The nostrils may flair.

This face is happy, safe, welcoming. It is a pleasant thing to see.

But it’s not for a cat.

This is hissing. It is not a friendly welcome. It’s a warning.

When a cat stretches their mouth open, ‘lips’ stretched, it’s not being friendly, it’s hissing. It’s defending it’s territory. It’s sending a warning that you had best be careful and approach with extreme caution.

The cat will take a long time to transcend -to move beyond- hissing behavior. It may never happen.

But – given a few hundred thousand years and an awful lot of inner work – there may be a smiling cat who is actually smiling in the fashion that we humans do.

We once behaved as animals, hissing at what we did not know or understand. Some of us still do this, but in more ‘civilized ways.”

Just go google the whole “Karen” phenomenon that surged into meme popularity the last couple of years and that demonstrates “civilized” hissing. (What’s a Karen?)

Trained

No doubt you learned that a smile is warm and inviting. Do you remember when or where you learned that?

Can you think of instances where a smile is not friendly and welcoming?

What other behaviors have you learned? When did you learn them? What were the circumstances?

Thinking about just one behavior, does it benefit you today? How?

Try changing the behavior for a day. What do you think might happen if you changed or entirely removed the behavior?

How does thinking about changing the behavior make you feel?

What else does this bring up for you?

Anything else?

Transcend

It’s not that you have to have all of the answers to all of the questions today. It’s more than you learn to honor this kind of questioning, and that you question everything.

This kind of ‘work’ is done to unravel your egoic structure and transcend the animal. It is deep and profound.

It will change you from the inside out, and you will be utterly the same as you were before. In fact, most folks will think you’re the same person you always have been.

The Writual Planner and The Enchanted Map Oracle Deck

Almost every year, I pull cards from a tarot deck to get a sense of what’s ahead. I already kind of have a sense as –if you can believe it– I started working on my Mission 2022 in late October/early November. And then, well, Rona visited.

This year, I’m using the Writual Planner. It’s a combined calendar, tarot spread, and astrological planner.

Now, let me be honest. I rarely use a planner faithfully all the way through any year. Anyone else with me?

The Writual Planner

The Writual Planner (not an affiliate link) is delicious. Mine is paperback, 8.5×11″, spiral bound. I stumbled upon the site as I stumble upon all sorts of things online and, well, fell in love and bought one.

I think if I was younger, just beginning to explore spirituality and astrology and tarot, this would be perfect. But I’m older and wiser so it’s a bit too much for me. There’s no way I’ll pull a card for every day, or three for the week. Heck, I doubt I’ll I manage a spread every month!

My biggest beef is that the times are all reflected in Mountain Standard and Mountain Daylight times (GMT -6 and -7.) I’m in Eastern Standard and Eastern Daylight (GMT -4 and -5.) So if I really, really want to know what time the moon is full, I’ll have to translate time or find another calendar for the Eastern time zone.

I wish there were separate planners for separate time zones, or perhaps this used GMT instead of Mountain. I’d still have to calculate, but I know Greenwich, UK is five hours ahead of me most of the time.

Regardless, I adore that The Writual Planner is 8.5×11. That’s as big as a piece of standard printer paper and that means I can scribble all over the pages. There’s plenty of room to write notes. Let’s look closer.

Inside The Writual Planner

The monthly views are a two-page spread with sun signs, moon phases, and planetary aspects. There is a place for your tarot reading for the month, too.

Each month encourages you to list out intentions, priorities, goals, and so on. Each week also has a space to record a card pulled specifically for the week, plus a daily three-card spread.

There is a detailed astrological reference chart and space for your personal birth chart. There are suggested tarot spreads for new and full moons, plus a ‘cheat sheet’ that explains tarot card meanings.

The website offers both a hard-back and softbound Writual Planner; I’ve got the softbound. They also have candles, jewelry, stickers, and more. There’s even an online community to join and share your explorations of and through the Writual Planner.

Overall, this planner is beautifully designed. It’s the perfect gift for anyone exploring spirituality, tarot, or astrology.

My Year Ahead

So, like I said, I often begin the year with a spread to get a general feel for what’s ahead. This year, I used the Enchanted Map Oracle Cards deck designed by Colette Baron-Reid.

This is a bit different than a standard tarot deck. There is no ‘major’ or ‘minor’ arcana as such, but there are 54-cards, just like a traditional tarot deck.

The energy of 2022 is represented by Dragon’s Lair. This card asks me to pay attention to inner warnings. It encourages me to know when things are out of alignment and change course accordingly.

The card for January is Magic Stream, which reminds me that collective awareness can lead to great inspiration. It’s reminding me to let it flow – and especially to not try to force inspiration to happen.

February brings Rescue, admonishing me to ask for help from spirit and people and places and whoever whenever. It’s encouraging me to see reality as it is, and to trust spirit.

Deep Freeze is in place for March again reminding me to not push or force anything forward. I am to rest, hibernate, and wait for the flow of life to happen.

In April the card is Coming To Life where I need to get out of my own way and let spirit lead. Once again there’s a reminder here to try to not coax or push the dream forward. Lots of letting it go letting it flow this year!

May asks me to release resentments and negative self talk. The card is Goblins, and it also reminds me that fear is an illusion and that I can always choose love.

In June, I’m encouraged to review my Intention and check motiviations.

July brings the Gentle Gardener, advising me to believe in limitless possibility. It also tells me that forgiveness is my most powerful restorative tool.

Late summer brings Unexpected Visitors. So in August, I am to expect the unexpected and the synchronicity that that can bring. Here again there is a reminder to adapt to shifting conditions by flowing, not forcing. (Talk about a Pisces way of doing things!)

September is for the card Metamorphosis, suggesting that there may be some loss. But as a result of that loss, I will love who I become. Even with temporary discomfort, beauty is revealed.

The last quarter of the year starts with the card One Ring Circus that celebrates independence and boundaries – and the need to let go of control. (Sounds like flow to me.)

November is the card Details Details reminding me to look at the fine print of anything and everything. It also encourages me to accept things as they are, imperfect.

The year closes in December with Rock Bottom. This encourages me to surrender and a way will appear. It asks the question: are you willing to change.

Let’s Get Flowing

In summary, boy, I am really being guided to let it flow, right? It’s all over this spread. There’s encouragement to surrender to the way things are and really flow like the river.

This ability to flow is something I’ve been working on for awhile now. We are taught that having SMART goals and “going for it” and “just work harder not smarter” – that all of this pushing to succeed a) works and b) makes us feel better.

It didn’t work for me at ALL. I would set goals and then fail to achieve them and feel miserable.

And setting up goals, then pushing hard to achieve them (and failing) felt fake. It was drudgery, toiling, hard work instead of joyful play.

It felt like a should, like something I had to do because to do it any other way is incorrect, wrong, bad. But that’s just not true.

I love and crave freedom and flow.

Flowing is still very ambitious. This flowing still gets stuff done. This flowing is gentle, easing away at a stone, slowly turning that stone into sand, creating a pleasant river bed in which to take casual walks in the forest. Or heat up and make glass…

Anyway, flowing can include using a planner. It can mean to-do lists and checkboxes and apps to keep it all lined up and flowing.

Your Turn

What works for you? Do you use a planner for the year? Do you use tarot cards for a sense of what the new year will bring?

Mission 2022

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last couple of years, it’s how to focus in on what’s really important. And, as I’ve moved through perimenopause into true menopause (hurrah!) I’ve learned how to engage the heart and flow.

Flowing with the energy of the heart is very different than the traditional way we’re taught to work. I’ve learned to let go of that need to do everything in THIS order and by THIS time, on a deadline, with SMART goals. It’s a very feminine way of working versus the masculine push through the accomplish that goal kind of method.

Instead, things flow. Things ’emerge.’

I recently finished a permaculture certification course. It took me waaaay out of my comfort box, and taught me about emergence. Things –tasks, projects, everything– emerges instead of being pushed and forced. You are a vehicle by which the emerging thing is encouraged and nurtured and birthed.

You don’t force things to happen. For example, I didn’t do anything to force menopause to happen; instead, it happened to me, and flowed through me, and left me the same and utterly changed.

So in 2022, I’m going to try to combine those lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals. But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

The plan is to check in here every month and give you an idea of how it’s going. I’m definitely known to get waaaaaaaay off track, so this should be interesting for everyone.

Write 250 words a day, five days a week. The year end goal is 60,000 words.
Revamp WordStorm Casserole poetry book and make it accessible on other platforms.
Post twice a month here… Year-end goal is 24 posts. And that monthly mission check in is 12 of those posts!
DeGoogle, deApple, and deMicrosoft. This year I’m planning to embrace Linux. Boy, I’ve got a long way to go with this one.
Have fun – try new Earl Grey Creme teas, visit new places, try new recipes.
Big Secret Goal #1. And man, if I want to make this big secret goal work, I sure had better write more than 250 words a day. Hint Hint.
Big Secret Goal #2. I didn’t spend a whole year contemplating permaculture for nothing, you know.