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Archives for February 2022

You Should Read This

In January, I talked about transcending the animal and the power of a simple smile as it relates to learning and unlearning behaviors. This month, let’s look at the words we use to talk to ourselves. One word I continuously work at eliminating from my self talk is should.

The Way You Talk

The way you talk to yourself (aka self talk) is important to your well-being. And I know you talk to yourself because everybody does.

I live alone so I’m either talking with myself or talking with my cat. Quite often I’m talking right out loud to an empty house. In my humble opinion, it’s perfectly normal to talk with yourself.

The way in which we talk with ourselves is often scripted. We learn what to say and how to think from friends and family when we’re very young. We learn as babies and toddlers. We learn in grade school and then as we move into middle and high school and try to differentiate ourselves from that home environment.

The “scripts” we learn when young are interpreted by us as the final word, as the thing that we should never be questioned. We learn:

  • You shouldn’t do that, the neighbors might notice or
  • You shouldn’t do that, it’s embarrassing to our family or
  • You shouldn’t do that or you’ll get in trouble
  • You shouldn’t wear that, someone bad might notice or
  • You shouldn’t wear that – it sends the wrong message
  • You should do this thing here
  • I think you should do this, say this, be this
  • You should care more about
  • You should go to this (event, place, etc.)
  • You should believe this (and not that)
  • It’s even in headlines like “Investigators should examine” and “X should have looked at.”

As very young children, we hear these words. And then going forward, they stay with us until we learn how to rewrite the script and take charge of our thoughts.

Should Is Debt and Obligation

The dictionary definition of should shows that it is the past tense of the verb shall. The etymology of shall goes back to Middle English, Old English, High German and was defined as ought to, must.

But the etymology point that interested me the most is from the Lithuanian skola. Depending on how it’s written, skola can mean school; however, it can also mean to owe, a debt, duty, obligation, being indebted, or to lend or borrow. That is more what I’m talking about.

Think about the energy behind the word should, the history and ancestry of the word if you will. We humans are all products of the ancestors who have come before us. Words, likewise, carry the energy from which they emerged.

When we speak, “You should care more about…” there is a LOT happening notwithstanding the energy of the person speaking those words. That person might be angry or happy or sad.  It may be a friend simply suggestion that you try something new out.

Should, however it is used, implies that you ought to, that you must, that you are obligated, and that you are indebted to the person who made the suggestion. And ultimately, should is about shame.

Rewrite The Script

Merriam-Webster defines shame as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” They say it is “a condition of humiliating disgrace or repute” or “something that brings censure or reproach.”

So literally every time you think “I should do….” you are shaming yourself. You are reproaching yourself, you’re making yourself feel guilty. Feeling guilty leads to feeling angry, which leads to more should, and the whole darned thing just keeps circling.

Part of your job as an evolving human is to break your circle of shame and rewrite the should script. This is ongoing inner work and it can transform your relationship with yourself, which then changes the way you interact with the world.

Three Things To Try

  • When should appears in your self talk, this article suggests replacing should with “might.” That leaves you under no obligation or debt and keeps the door open for possibility.
  • Adjust the tone of your inner voice. Practice speaking to yourself with love and patience.
  • Embrace your inner child. It may sound sappy, but it sure works. Make your adult self the knight in shining armor for your younger self. Listen to her fears with an open heart and respond authentically. When your inner child feels safe and secure, your adult self feels better, too.

I’ve definitely changed the tone of my inner voice over the years, and I have a decent relationship with my inner child. I’ve never tried replacing should with might – yet.

What about you: Do you “should” all over yourself?

Mission 2022 February

In 2022, I’m combining lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals.

But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

So how was January?

January’s Tarot Card

I did a tarot spread for the full year and January’s card was Magic Stream. The card reminded me that collective awareness can lead to great inspiration. It’s encouraged me to let it flow – and especially to not try to force inspiration to happen. I definitely was “hibernating” in January, hunkering down at home, just like many of the plants in my back yard.

My office looks out onto that snow-covered back yard of this property. When I look out that window, I think of all of the flowers that are sound asleep, with one day just like the other, awaiting the warmth of the spring sun.

The same is true for me. January was hibernating, hunkering down, with the days flowing into one another. And even in all the quiet that is January, I got stuff done.

Write 250 words a day, five days a week

The fact that I managed to schedule four posts tells you I wrote more than 250 words a day, five days a week. Unfortunately, most of those words were written in December 2021.

  • I’m having a hard time tracking and quantifying this goal. For example, if I don’t write in something that counts words, I don’t know how many words I wrote.
  • Which makes me think I need to tweak this mission a bit.
  • Perhaps 250 words a day five days a week on a specific project?
  • What should I do here? Any suggestions?

Revamp Wordstorm Casserole poetry book

  • I’m anticipating working on this in the spring.
  • You didn’t know I have a poetry book?

Post twice a month on this website.

Year end goal is 24 posts. A monthly “mission” check in is 12 of those posts!

  • Look at me go! There were FOUR posts in January – only twenty more to go to meet my year-end goal. Those posts were:
  • Mission 2022
  • Writual Planner
  • Transcending the Animal
  • The Rona Visit

DeGoogle, deApple, deMicrosoft – embrace Linux!

  • Why? Because Google, Apple, and Microsoft all track your every move online. Google, for example,  “allows you to freely use their services so they can track you and sell your data to advertisers.”
  • Linus is an alternative operating system, like Windows. You can change your Windows computer to a Linux computer; I wouldn’t recommend trying that unless you’re super comfy with computers.
  • For example, I tried to transform a computer because I ran into a funky technical thing. Even after trying multiple registry edits and consulting a group online for help, I caved and bought a refurbished Dell computer loaded with Linux Mint Cinnamon. It was ready to go, out of the box, just like any Windows or Mac machine would be. I did this in October and then Rona came to visit. 🙁
  • In January I ran updates on that computer, and installed some software that I’m familiar with like the Brave browser and LibreOffice. I also started transferring my personal computer stuff onto this Linux machine.
  • In late 2021, I changed my personal email account to MailFence; Tutanota and ProtonMail are alternatives, too.
  • For searches, I recommend DuckDuckGo; I’ve been using it for at least a year now.
  • For browser alternatives to Chrome, Firefox, and Edge, I have been using Brave; alternatives are Vivalidi and Tor.

Have fun

  • It’s really too cold to think about having fun…my main task this month was to stay warm – lol. No, seriously, as I write this post, it’s 19 degrees Fahrenheit outside and the ground is snow covered. Brrrr.
  • I did try a bunch of new HelloFresh recipes. Did you know that you can get to the recipes even without receiving a box? You sure can. This month I tried Creamy Lemon Butter Chicken, Sun-Dried Tomato Spaghetti, and Ricotta Tomato Ravioli with Toasted Panko. I’m really looking forward to my next shipment of Pub-Style Shepherd’s Pie.
  • I bought myself some spiffy new shoes from Alegria and a new pair of Birkenstock slippers.
  • I had dinner at an actual restaurant. I hadn’t done that in…three months maybe?
  • I got a good bill of health from a dentist and a doctor. Doc says I need to lower my cholesterol – any tips?
  • I had two craniosacral massages. I get massages about every other week and LOVE them.

Big secret goal #1. 

  • While I wrote this month, I didn’t track the number of words and only some of those written words apply to big secret goal #1. Sigh.

Big secret goal #2.

  • This goal involves hiring pros. I have a document and Pinterest board ready to share with them.

What I’m Reading

On GoodReads, I have a 2022 Reading Challenge goal of at least 50 books. It’s only one month into the year and I’m ahead of schedule by two books, but then again, I read more in the winter than I do in the summer. Here’s what I’ve read so far:

  1. The Fire Night by Teresa Messineo
  2. Wither by Lauren DeStafano (Book 1 in The Chemical Garden series)
  3. Take the Long Path by Joan de Hamel
  4. The Boston Girl by Anita Diamant
  5. The Dressmaker’s Secret by Rosalie Ham
  6. D (A Tale of Two Worlds): A Novel by Michel Faber
  7. There are two ways to read The Crossing by Alex Landragin. I just finished The Baroness sequence of Crossings by Alex Landragin. I’ll read it cover-to-cover, then add it to GoodReads.

How About You?

How was your January? Did you already forget about your New Year’s resolutions? What big dreams and projects do you have for this year?

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When your mind is still, tranquil, not seeking any answer or solution even, neither resisting nor avoiding, it is only then that there can be regeneration, because then the mind is capable of perceiving what is true and it is the truth that liberates, not our effort to be free.

— Jiddu Krishanmurti

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