Tools For The Road

You Should Read This

In January, I talked about transcending the animal and the power of a simple smile as it relates to learning and unlearning behaviors. This month, let’s look at the words we use to talk to ourselves. One word I continuously work at eliminating from my self talk is should.

The Way You Talk

The way you talk to yourself (aka self talk) is important to your well-being. And I know you talk to yourself because everybody does.

I live alone so I’m either talking with myself or talking with my cat. Quite often I’m talking right out loud to an empty house. In my humble opinion, it’s perfectly normal to talk with yourself.

The way in which we talk with ourselves is often scripted. We learn what to say and how to think from friends and family when we’re very young. We learn as babies and toddlers. We learn in grade school and then as we move into middle and high school and try to differentiate ourselves from that home environment.

The “scripts” we learn when young are interpreted by us as the final word, as the thing that we should never be questioned. We learn:

You shouldn’t do that, the neighbors might notice or
You shouldn’t do that, it’s embarrassing to our family or
You shouldn’t do that or you’ll get in trouble
You shouldn’t wear that, someone bad might notice or
You shouldn’t wear that – it sends the wrong message
You should do this thing here
I think you should do this, say this, be this
You should care more about
You should go to this (event, place, etc.)
You should believe this (and not that)
It’s even in headlines like “Investigators should examine” and “X should have looked at.”

As very young children, we hear these words. And then going forward, they stay with us until we learn how to rewrite the script and take charge of our thoughts.

Should Is Debt and Obligation

The dictionary definition of should shows that it is the past tense of the verb shall. The etymology of shall goes back to Middle English, Old English, High German and was defined as ought to, must.

But the etymology point that interested me the most is from the Lithuanian skola. Depending on how it’s written, skola can mean school; however, it can also mean to owe, a debt, duty, obligation, being indebted, or to lend or borrow. That is more what I’m talking about.

Think about the energy behind the word should, the history and ancestry of the word if you will. We humans are all products of the ancestors who have come before us. Words, likewise, carry the energy from which they emerged.

When we speak, “You should care more about…” there is a LOT happening notwithstanding the energy of the person speaking those words. That person might be angry or happy or sad. It may be a friend simply suggestion that you try something new out.

Should, however it is used, implies that you ought to, that you must, that you are obligated, and that you are indebted to the person who made the suggestion. And ultimately, should is about shame.

Rewrite The Script

Merriam-Webster defines shame as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” They say it is “a condition of humiliating disgrace or repute” or “something that brings censure or reproach.”

So literally every time you think “I should do….” you are shaming yourself. You are reproaching yourself, you’re making yourself feel guilty. Feeling guilty leads to feeling angry, which leads to more should, and the whole darned thing just keeps circling.

Part of your job as an evolving human is to break your circle of shame and rewrite the should script. This is ongoing inner work and it can transform your relationship with yourself, which then changes the way you interact with the world.

Three Things To Try

When should appears in your self talk, this article suggests replacing should with “might.” That leaves you under no obligation or debt and keeps the door open for possibility.
Adjust the tone of your inner voice. Practice speaking to yourself with love and patience.
Embrace your inner child. It may sound sappy, but it sure works. Make your adult self the knight in shining armor for your younger self. Listen to her fears with an open heart and respond authentically. When your inner child feels safe and secure, your adult self feels better, too.

I’ve definitely changed the tone of my inner voice over the years, and I have a decent relationship with my inner child. I’ve never tried replacing should with might – yet.

What about you: Do you “should” all over yourself?

Transcending The Animal

“We are animals, certainly. Anyone who forgets that we are animals is very disfocused and unlikely to obtain a higher state. There is no point to attaining a higher state unless you are in an animal body. Animals don’t need a higher state. Presumably if you’re out of a body you don’t need a higher state either. A fundamental question that used to be part of most philosophy was why are we here? Why do we exist? What is the purpose of this so-called meaningless existence where we are born, we have a few fun years and then we proceed to get old and sick and tired and worn out…
Ron Mangravite, Transformation of the Self and the Universe, part one, tape one, March 25, 1995, Athens, Georgia,

Commentary

In pursuing spirituality, in meditation, in pursuing anything with true dedication and passion, you are an animal trying to reach the heavens aka the light.

You are trying to transcend -to go beyond the range or limits- of our base animal instincts and reactions and become more “godlike.”

The animal in us hates the light. The animal wants nothing more than to “namastayinbed.” The animal wants to stay stuck in the same old routines and patterns.

For example, have you ever really thought about smiling?

Smile

If you doubt you have an animal body, take one look at your smile.

Walk on over to the mirror, and smile at yourself.

What do you see?

You see a human with their lips stretched, the ends of those lips turning up. You may see teeth.

The eyes may be squinting, cheekbones lifting. The nostrils may flair.

This face is happy, safe, welcoming. It is a pleasant thing to see.

But it’s not for a cat.

This is hissing. It is not a friendly welcome. It’s a warning.

When a cat stretches their mouth open, ‘lips’ stretched, it’s not being friendly, it’s hissing. It’s defending it’s territory. It’s sending a warning that you had best be careful and approach with extreme caution.

The cat will take a long time to transcend -to move beyond- hissing behavior. It may never happen.

But – given a few hundred thousand years and an awful lot of inner work – there may be a smiling cat who is actually smiling in the fashion that we humans do.

We once behaved as animals, hissing at what we did not know or understand. Some of us still do this, but in more ‘civilized ways.”

Just go google the whole “Karen” phenomenon that surged into meme popularity the last couple of years and that demonstrates “civilized” hissing. (What’s a Karen?)

Trained

No doubt you learned that a smile is warm and inviting. Do you remember when or where you learned that?

Can you think of instances where a smile is not friendly and welcoming?

What other behaviors have you learned? When did you learn them? What were the circumstances?

Thinking about just one behavior, does it benefit you today? How?

Try changing the behavior for a day. What do you think might happen if you changed or entirely removed the behavior?

How does thinking about changing the behavior make you feel?

What else does this bring up for you?

Anything else?

Transcend

It’s not that you have to have all of the answers to all of the questions today. It’s more than you learn to honor this kind of questioning, and that you question everything.

This kind of ‘work’ is done to unravel your egoic structure and transcend the animal. It is deep and profound.

It will change you from the inside out, and you will be utterly the same as you were before. In fact, most folks will think you’re the same person you always have been.

The Writual Planner and The Enchanted Map Oracle Deck

Almost every year, I pull cards from a tarot deck to get a sense of what’s ahead. I already kind of have a sense as –if you can believe it– I started working on my Mission 2022 in late October/early November. And then, well, Rona visited.

This year, I’m using the Writual Planner. It’s a combined calendar, tarot spread, and astrological planner.

Now, let me be honest. I rarely use a planner faithfully all the way through any year. Anyone else with me?

The Writual Planner

The Writual Planner (not an affiliate link) is delicious. Mine is paperback, 8.5×11″, spiral bound. I stumbled upon the site as I stumble upon all sorts of things online and, well, fell in love and bought one.

I think if I was younger, just beginning to explore spirituality and astrology and tarot, this would be perfect. But I’m older and wiser so it’s a bit too much for me. There’s no way I’ll pull a card for every day, or three for the week. Heck, I doubt I’ll I manage a spread every month!

My biggest beef is that the times are all reflected in Mountain Standard and Mountain Daylight times (GMT -6 and -7.) I’m in Eastern Standard and Eastern Daylight (GMT -4 and -5.) So if I really, really want to know what time the moon is full, I’ll have to translate time or find another calendar for the Eastern time zone.

I wish there were separate planners for separate time zones, or perhaps this used GMT instead of Mountain. I’d still have to calculate, but I know Greenwich, UK is five hours ahead of me most of the time.

Regardless, I adore that The Writual Planner is 8.5×11. That’s as big as a piece of standard printer paper and that means I can scribble all over the pages. There’s plenty of room to write notes. Let’s look closer.

Inside The Writual Planner

The monthly views are a two-page spread with sun signs, moon phases, and planetary aspects. There is a place for your tarot reading for the month, too.

Each month encourages you to list out intentions, priorities, goals, and so on. Each week also has a space to record a card pulled specifically for the week, plus a daily three-card spread.

There is a detailed astrological reference chart and space for your personal birth chart. There are suggested tarot spreads for new and full moons, plus a ‘cheat sheet’ that explains tarot card meanings.

The website offers both a hard-back and softbound Writual Planner; I’ve got the softbound. They also have candles, jewelry, stickers, and more. There’s even an online community to join and share your explorations of and through the Writual Planner.

Overall, this planner is beautifully designed. It’s the perfect gift for anyone exploring spirituality, tarot, or astrology.

My Year Ahead

So, like I said, I often begin the year with a spread to get a general feel for what’s ahead. This year, I used the Enchanted Map Oracle Cards deck designed by Colette Baron-Reid.

This is a bit different than a standard tarot deck. There is no ‘major’ or ‘minor’ arcana as such, but there are 54-cards, just like a traditional tarot deck.

The energy of 2022 is represented by Dragon’s Lair. This card asks me to pay attention to inner warnings. It encourages me to know when things are out of alignment and change course accordingly.

The card for January is Magic Stream, which reminds me that collective awareness can lead to great inspiration. It’s reminding me to let it flow – and especially to not try to force inspiration to happen.

February brings Rescue, admonishing me to ask for help from spirit and people and places and whoever whenever. It’s encouraging me to see reality as it is, and to trust spirit.

Deep Freeze is in place for March again reminding me to not push or force anything forward. I am to rest, hibernate, and wait for the flow of life to happen.

In April the card is Coming To Life where I need to get out of my own way and let spirit lead. Once again there’s a reminder here to try to not coax or push the dream forward. Lots of letting it go letting it flow this year!

May asks me to release resentments and negative self talk. The card is Goblins, and it also reminds me that fear is an illusion and that I can always choose love.

In June, I’m encouraged to review my Intention and check motiviations.

July brings the Gentle Gardener, advising me to believe in limitless possibility. It also tells me that forgiveness is my most powerful restorative tool.

Late summer brings Unexpected Visitors. So in August, I am to expect the unexpected and the synchronicity that that can bring. Here again there is a reminder to adapt to shifting conditions by flowing, not forcing. (Talk about a Pisces way of doing things!)

September is for the card Metamorphosis, suggesting that there may be some loss. But as a result of that loss, I will love who I become. Even with temporary discomfort, beauty is revealed.

The last quarter of the year starts with the card One Ring Circus that celebrates independence and boundaries – and the need to let go of control. (Sounds like flow to me.)

November is the card Details Details reminding me to look at the fine print of anything and everything. It also encourages me to accept things as they are, imperfect.

The year closes in December with Rock Bottom. This encourages me to surrender and a way will appear. It asks the question: are you willing to change.

Let’s Get Flowing

In summary, boy, I am really being guided to let it flow, right? It’s all over this spread. There’s encouragement to surrender to the way things are and really flow like the river.

This ability to flow is something I’ve been working on for awhile now. We are taught that having SMART goals and “going for it” and “just work harder not smarter” – that all of this pushing to succeed a) works and b) makes us feel better.

It didn’t work for me at ALL. I would set goals and then fail to achieve them and feel miserable.

And setting up goals, then pushing hard to achieve them (and failing) felt fake. It was drudgery, toiling, hard work instead of joyful play.

It felt like a should, like something I had to do because to do it any other way is incorrect, wrong, bad. But that’s just not true.

I love and crave freedom and flow.

Flowing is still very ambitious. This flowing still gets stuff done. This flowing is gentle, easing away at a stone, slowly turning that stone into sand, creating a pleasant river bed in which to take casual walks in the forest. Or heat up and make glass…

Anyway, flowing can include using a planner. It can mean to-do lists and checkboxes and apps to keep it all lined up and flowing.

Your Turn

What works for you? Do you use a planner for the year? Do you use tarot cards for a sense of what the new year will bring?

Up The Mountain

There’s an old Chinese proverb that goes “There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same.”

Of course there are multiple interpretations of that, and this one from Hinduism is on my mind today:

There are hundreds of paths up the mountain,
all leading in the same direction,
so it doesn’t matter which path you take.
The only one wasting time is the one
who runs around and around the mountain,
telling everyone that his or her path is wrong.

Put another way, there are many paths up the mountain and only one truth.

That truth is love.

Or, the best way to express that truth is through love in action. You know what that feels like, yet explaining ‘love’ is like trying to slap a definition on a blue sky. You can’t make someone see blue when all they see are clouds and rain.

But this is not supposed to be a long-winded essay today. It’s a check-in, a way to let you know that I am still here, walking up that mountain. It’s the same mountain I’ve been walking up for some 25 years now – that’s about the time I identify as the official start of my spiritual journey.

It’s probably been longer, but who’s counting?

Who’s counting a belief in reincarnation that suggests hundreds or thousands of different lives and just as many years?
Who’s counting this soul’s multiple simultaneous incarnations?
Who’s counting multiple lifetimes happening simultaneously through multiple dimensions, time, space, etc.?

There is no time, so there is no counting, and all is now.

Still Climbing

At the start of the trail, the walk is always easy. Wide, smooth, well-trodden, and downright fun. As you rise up (as good a metaphor as I can muster this morning) the path is strewn with all manner of rocks, sticks, fallen branches. It’s steep and uneven and sometimes scary. It’s one obstacle after another because everything in life is the path.

I’m discovering that I have a great need to strip away non-essentials, to once again let go and let go and let go.

I’ve spent the last few years accumulating stuff – literal things like clothes and cookbooks, but also mental stuff like Reiki, QHHT, life coaching, mindfulness, and business ideas.

And I’ve gotten so turned around on the path that I think I have 10,000,000 things do to and am tired of 9,999,999 of them. I’m tired of grasping, wishing, dreaming, tired of thinking about and tired of not doing.

I’m tired of taking on things (Reiki, QHHT, Life Coaching, Mindfulness, business, clothes, and cookbooks) and having little to show — other than a PDF certificate and a large pile of cute clothes and vintage cookbooks.

Paint The Basement

My life coach asked me what I needed to do next to move along the path. I said, “paint the basement.”

I want to focus on the here and now and on things that make a tangible difference for me.

I could get all symbolic on how painting the basement equates creating a solid foundation on which to build my future, but really, there are enough metaphors out there for me to use on another day.

Today, I’m pausing at this grand turn on the path of my life.

Sidebar

(A sidebar is a short story or graphic accompanying and presenting sidelights of a major story. It’s a deviation from the main thread or idea presented here. So you can ignore this part if you’d like.)

I’ve unfollowed a lot of people and pages and businesses on social media. Each platform seems more like a bad joke. Social media wastes time and focuses energy on wants and desires over true connections.

And yes, I know people who use social media for true connections, but the majority of it seems fake and fake and fake. But yet I don’t want to cut the social media cord completely.

Frankly, social media manipulates that deep desire to spy on people. And deep down, that’s what it’s about – jealousy about that life lifestyle or activity or possessions. And in turn, that jealousy becomes fear of missing out (FOMO.)

I’m doing my damnest to seek JOMO (joy of missing out) but there’s the whole “missing out” part of both of these acronyms that bothers me: what exactly is missing from me that needs to be found and fixed?

Keep Climbing

Of the nonsense online, one blog stands heads, fingers, knees, and toes above the others at the moment for me: Schrodinger’s Other Cat.

The posts are usually short and funky, the comments thought-provoking, and the metaphysical humor 100% on point.

It’s definitely not for everyone. But it’s a cozy little box in the corner of the interwebs for consciousness naps and meows that I thoroughly enjoy.

Lately “the cats” have asked readers to experiment with a saying from a student of A Course In Miracles (ACIM.) My experience with this saying was quite interesting, so I thought I’d pass it along.

Take this saying and try it out on anyone and everyone. Include yourself, and those you’re struggling with or have struggled with in the past:

Boss pissed you off? Say the saying!
Cut off in traffic? Say the saying!
Annoying relatives? Say the saying!
Thinking of your ex? Say the saying!
Nosy neighbor? Say the saying!
Burned your dinner? Say the saying!
Former frenemy in your thoughts? Say the saying!
Pesky pests eating your tomatoes? Say the saying!

I work at holding that person in my mind’s eye and gazing into the person’s eyes. Then I say the saying (it’s not a mantra, but, if it’s easier to remember it that way, so be it.) I wait and see how it feels.

That’s the key here — how does it feel? Most people I can do one recitation and feel some change or release. Some folks take two, three, four or more recitations. You may need to stop, collect yourself, and really get in touch with the compassionate part of yourself that loves beyond love – unconditionally.

You’ll know you’re finished saying this for the person because there will be a clear release. For me, it’s usually quite subtle like a gentle sigh or stomach muscles releasing.

Notice any thoughts that appear while you’re doing this. It could be something like “leave me alone” or “thank you.” You might say “whew!” when you’ve finished with some, and smile with others.

Feel free to change the saying around to make it work for you. For the word “Brother” I’ll often say something like “brother, sister, father, mother, source, god, goddess.” And I found that I had to repeat “all is forgiven and released” over and over for some people.

This is one way of being love in action. It is a way to walk your path up and around the mountain of your life with as much love in your heart as you can muster.

Regardless, try it out and let me know how it goes.

You are perfect

immortal spirit

brother

whole and innocent.

All is forgiven

and released.

The Tapestry of Ordinary Life

So I’m on my third, fourth, or maybe fifth time watching the entire seven-season run of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

(I live alone…Amazon Prime and I are good friends.)

The fifteenth episode of season six is called “Tapestry.” And here’s a quick synopsis because it’s important to understand the essence of this episode for all that I have to say about my life right now.

Picard’s Regrets

Main character Captain Picard is rushed to the Enterprise’s operating table where he dies because his artificial heart has stopped. He’s given a second chance at life by an omnipotent character named Q.

In their conversation, Picard admits he regrets much of his younger life because he was arrogant and cocky. This intrigues the omnipotent Q, who allows Picard to “pull on this thread” of his life to see what happens.

So Picard ‘pulls’ on a very specific thread in his life: the events that led him to have an artificial heart. He returns to his early 20s, and we see him attempting to date multiple women on one day.

More importantly, we see the events that led up to him starting a bar fight which led to his knifing, which led to the artificial heart, which has caused his ‘death.’

Picard’s Boring Life

And while it’s funny to see an aging Picard playing out that incident with his youthful friends, the part of the ‘tapestry’ I’m most interested in is when Picard is placed back onto the Enterprise. This is the fleet’s flagship, and of which he is captain – but not in this ‘new’ reality.

Instead, someone else is captain and Picard is a Lieutenant Junior Grade Astrophysics Administrator – or some goofy title like that.

He goes to the starship’s bar, Ten Forward, and asks for an employee review.

It doesn’t go well.

I Am That Picard

Picard is so very, very wrong about that quiet life. It was not dull and tedious – it only seemed that way through his eyes.

It really bothers me (and bothers plenty of other people) that this normal life is portrayed as if it’s horrible.

What the heck is wrong with a “normal” life? I am that Picard. My day-to-day life is pretty darn dreary and repetitive.

I wake up.
I have some tea.
I go to work.
I come home.
I feed the cats.
I read a book.
I watch yet another episode of Star Trek.
I have dinner with a friend.
I clean the litter boxes.
I plant some flowers.
I buy cute clothes at thrift stores.
I meditate a little here and there.

And that’s it, folks, there’s very little excitement in my normal, everyday, ordinary life.

Or is there?

Ordinary Extraordinary

My blogging friend Beth Ann Chiles writes nearly every day at It’s Just Life: Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary. As the title suggests, the blog covers many aspects of Beth Ann’s everyday life: family, friends, devotionals, teapots, travel, and more.

In chronicling her life, Beth Ann elevates the everyday into something that approaches art.

Or maybe it is art, I don’t know.

But I do know that she’s created a cozy spot on the internet where I always feel welcome, and where there’s probably a pot of tea nearby.

I also envy her many trips around the world – and the fact that she’s at the beach again this week.

But the thing that gets me about Beth Ann’s blog is that her “ordinary” life is not Picard’s dreaded “dull and dreary.” It’s magical.

There Are No Dull and Dreary Lives

More to the point, my life isn’t dull and dreary. There are these amazing high points:

Living in London just after college.
My first apartment in Toledo and the writing and modeling friends.
Life in Athens with more writing and meditation friends.
Living and working at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies.
That amazing trip to Peru a few years ago with magical waterfall experience.

All I have to do is start making a list, and I’ve had a lot of amazing experiences.

To be sure, there have been lows, too.

Filing for both bankruptcy and divorce in the same year was horrible.
Getting fired from a job wasn’t fun either, but retrospect shows me the journey from that point to now.

We all know life isn’t about the high or the low points. Life is a sum of all of those points and finding that middle road where all is well for us.

Getting Busy

It would be easy to argue that Picard’s view of that “dull dreary” life is flawed. Through the magic of storytelling, he’s thrown into that life without the benefit of the experiences that led him to the ‘end’ of the journey. Surely there have been wonderful things happen in that Picard’s life.

Unlike that Picard, though, you and I have the ability to stop and look back and the various twists and turns that led us to here and now. Having done this recently, I am at a still point with being the “dull and dreary” Picard.

Not long ago, I wrote about how I thought that if I “that if I just put up a pretty website and got busy with business-like things, my life would change.”

Unpacking The Story

Unpacking that sentence and the story behind that “still point” for you a little more, I was obsessed and enamored with the idea of having a business.

The idea of one – not the reality. I had grandiose ideas about what running a business by myself meant and had convinced myself that being busy = business.

In my mind, I needed to be as busy as possible because surely that would make my business succeed, right?

But the more I observed this desire to have a business, the less it felt real. It didn’t have meaning and purpose and felt terribly hollow.

So I let go of that desire. It really was that easy.

In writing one morning, I asked what I really needed to do. And the answer had nothing at all to do with running a business.

Stop Forcing Success

If you want coaching, I can do that. If you want writing, I can do that. But I’m not going to run around and try to force success to happen anymore.

One other thing I’ve realized is that all of the amazing things in my life came relatively easily.

Yes, I had to work at them.

But those things came together in a way that I can only describe as magic or happenstance or fate. The less I fight with life, the more it flows. And I know that miracles of all sizes happen every day when you least expect them.

So now my life is back to a normal, ordinary, gentle hum.

Does your life hum? Do you see the magic?

Ice Cream Is Evil

We love the idea that learning a new mantra, meditation, or yoga pose will cause great change in our lives. For me, I thought that if I just put up a pretty website and got busy with business-like things, my life would change.

It didn’t happen.

The mantra, meditation, yoga pose, and ‘business-like’ things are all outward actions on the physical shape of the body, vocalization, and so on. The business-like things generated a LOT of literally paper clutter and oodles of electronic slush.

We think this seated meditation posture is correct and that sitting meditation posture is incorrect. None are correct and none are incorrect. If anything, our (my) thinking is faulty. It places hope on some external thing: mantra, meditation, pose, procedure.

The hardest work is that which we do on ourselves: that work of uncovering the lies we’ve told ourselves or the lies we’ve been led to believe.

And they’re not necessarily lies, but rather misinterpretations or “not seeing clearly.” After all, all experience is clouded by previous experience.

Evil Ice Cream

Let’s say that from a very young age, I was taught that ice cream is evil.

(Stop giggling. Just go with me on this. We can get together and have ice cream together later.)

So when I see an ice cream truck, ice cream store, or walk near the ice cream store in the grocery I have a tinge of fear.

If you see someone eating ice cream, you might fear for their well-being or perhaps their immortal soul.

Maybe you’d cross to the other side of the street, turn the other way, all to protect yourself from the very sight of ice cream.

And your self talk — that monologue inside your head – might go something like this:

I can’t believe anyone would eat that stuff. It’s just horrible.
It’s dangerous; ice cream is a killer.
It’s terrible for your self esteem.
It stunts your growth. It’s not healthy.
My parents say ice cream looks like cold mashed potatoes and tastes even worse; there’s no way I’d get anywhere near ice cream.
Ewwww, it’s so cold and wet and it smells funny.
I heard that ice cream causes you to shiver and have fits and if you eat it enough you die.”

Ice Cream Rebellion

But maybe you’re the rebellious type and just can’t stop yourself from thinking about ice cream. And – if you didn’t know – what you think about persists and persists…so you think about ice cream a LOT.

Perhaps you stand next to someone who just ate ice cream and didn’t suffer or you talk with someone who’s currently eating ice cream and seems to be enjoying the expereince.

This curiosity helps you discover a new perspective that you’d never considered. It’s small “enlightenment:” at least one person thinks ice cream is good.

You begin to explore ice cream. You read about ice cream. You learn about the ingredients, and about ice cream made. You discover it’s really not cold mashed potatoes. You learn there are a zillion flavors.

One brave day you try ice cream…just a little bite. It’s not so bad after all, and you wonder what all the fuss is about. And you start to question every little thing you’ve every been told about ice cream

Uncovering Lies

The process of uncovering the ‘not evilness’ of ice cream takes time. Occasionally it’s an immediate transformation, like a speeding semi-truck to your soul, but more often than not, it’s a slow, steady march of changing consciousness.

Yes, consciousness.

The thought pattern that “ice cream is evil” is interrupted when you meet someone who thinks ice cream is good. You may not like the opinion, but that one interaction is the thing that puts the crack in your thought.

It’s – as Leonard Cohen says – where the light gets in to you that ice cream is (at the very least) not evil.

Invisible Work

This work of uncovering your closed doors, your dark corners, your locked closets is invisible.

It’s not tangible. You can’t touch it or smell it. You can’t show it off to your friends like a cute new dress or pretty picture or new car. But it’s sometimes like a fresh coat of paint in a dingy room, or a slight breeze on a summer day, or a breathy whisper.

It’s quiet. It’s personal, excruciatingly personal. After all, ice cream is evil, right?

Nothing Is New

I don’t know about you, but I love diving in and learning new things: the newness titillates and delights.

I also know there’s is nothing new to learn, and Love and Rockets had it right in the 80s… there’s “No New Tale To tell.”

Even now, thirty years later, there’s still no new tale to tell. The names, faces, gadgets, and disguises have changed, but every little thing you want to explore has been done before.

Throw in concepts of alternate and collapsing timelines, multiple dimensions and realities and there’s no doubt this “new” thing has been done thousands of times before.

In fact, no matter how much I really want to be, I am not original.

Still, hear the peel of the distant bells ringing. Hear the thunder of your heart calling you home.

Walk into the class, say hello, begin again to be a beginner.

Dance the new dance that speaks you name.

Be quiet. Be wild.

Be all you, whoever that may be.

(And have that big ol’ bowl of ice cream, because summer’s almost here.)

Reading Soothes My Soul (February 2019)

Here we are in February and I’m still reading. Over the holidays, I saved a few books from my sister’s house. She was going to donate the books; instead, they came home with me and will visit my friends – and then probably be donated.

Full disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate. If you click on a link and buy something (even if it’s not the particular book,) I receive a little compensation. I think I’ve made $5-10 over the years of blogging, probably because I’ve clicked on my links – lol.

The Collector by Nora Roberts. You know, Nora Roberts who writes both mushy romances and thriller mysteries as J.D. Robb? The Collector combines those into one romantic thriller mystery thing that actually works. Fun vacation read with Fabrege eggs, too.

Where’d You Go Bernadette? by Maria Semple. Quirky Seattle family has a mother with a past. Mom melts down and runs away. Everybody loves everybody all the same, and Antartica sounds like a nice place for a family vacation.

Secrets of the Tsil Cafe by Thomas Fox Averill. One of my favorite foodie books, this is a coming-of-age story about a young boy. His father is the chef/owner of the only Southwestern/Native American restaurant in Kansas City; upstairs from the restaurant, his mother runs an eclectic catering business. Don’t think Upstairs Downstairs, think habanero, chipotle, jalapeno, and life. This is one of the first books I remember reading that included recipes; of course, I wouldn’t even dare try because – well – habanero, chipotle, and jalapeno.

The Lost Summer of Louisa May Alcott by Kelly O’Connor McNeeds. A friend gave this to me because she couldn’t finish it. I did finish it, but don’t think it was worth reading. The ending was particularly unsatisfying and impossible to believe. On the plus side it’s well researched and authentic to the time period, I just think it wavers too far into fantasy for me (and I like a good fantasy.)

Burning Glass by Kathryn Purdie. A superbly empathetic young girl is brought into the castle to serve as the emperor’s “Auraseer.” Unfortunately, her empathetic talents are untrained, and the dangers in the castle are about to skyrocket. P.S. There’s love in here, too, and it’s a series because something definitely happens after the revolution.

The Color of our Sky by Amita Trasi. This was also gifted to me from a friend, and it is magnificent, if a little unbelievable. Sometimes I’m OK with going along with the ‘unbelievability’ of a story so long as the story is worth it; this one is. Two friends are separated by years and distance; eleven years later they are reunited, and hoo boy, getting there is worth the read.

Feed by M.T. Anderson. This National Book Award Finalist from 2002 so exactly predicts our current reality it’s scary. There’s a trip to the moon, a whirlwind of advertisement, and a romance… and there’s this paragraph that sounds nothing at all like our current world, right?

“Everything we’ve grown up with — the stories on the feed, the games, all of that — it’s all streamlining our personalities so we’re easier to sell to. I mean, they do these demographic studies that divide everyone up into a few personality types, and then you get ads based on what you’re supposedly like. They try to figure out who you are, and to make you conform to one of their types for easy marketing. It’s like a spiral: They keep making everything more basic so it will appeal to everyone. And gradually, everyone gets used to everything being basic, so we get less and less varied as people, more simple. So the corps make everything even simpler. And it goes on and on.”
page 97, Feed by M.T. Anderson

Life Without Water by Nancy Peacock. This is a short, heart-wrenching novel about growing up in the craziness of the late 1960s and early 70s. Mom is a beautiful young thing who hooks up with a drug dealer and artist, daughter is a free spirit, and they live on a funky commune in rural North Carolina. Until they don’t, and then do again.

Kindred Spirits by Sarah Strohmeyer. Heartwarming and heartbreaking chick flick novel. Read this with your girlfriends, decide which one of the main characters you are. Celebrate with good food, margarita’s, and a spontaneous road trip.

I am trying to work my way through They F*** You Up by Oliver James, but it’s slow going. James argues that it is as much nurture (or lack of nurturing) that forms who you become as it is nature. And there are statistics, so. many. statistics. I’m thoroughly enjoying the book but boy, it’s a slog.

Processing Your Issues With Polarities, Triangles, and Squares

In the journey toward higher consciousness, you learn to work on yourself and your issues by processing. What are issues? And what the heck is processing?

You Have Issues

An issue is a vague term that can signify nearly anything that pushes your buttons. Things like this:

I can’t stop obsessing about…
Conspiracy theories are true (or not, depending on your stance.)
I hate my job, life, school…
Climate change is real (or is not – depending on your stance.)
I get angry when a driver cuts me off in traffic.
Politics drives me crazy.
Why do I argue so much with my spouse?
What has my self-talk sounded like over the last month?
Why do I always seem to get sick around Thanksgiving?

Years ago, processing took a long time, or maybe I couldn’t really tell when processing was finished.

I just knew that after thinking about some issue there would be a natural resting place or resolution where it felt like I was finished with the issue for the time being.

That’s not very helpful, is it?

What Is Processing?

Fortunately, Leslie Temple-Thurson offers an excellent definition of processing and some incredible techniques to help with processing in her book The Marriage of Spirit: Enlightened Living in Today’s World:

“Processing is a form of self-inquiry. The term to process means to examine and to inquire deeply into the nature of our conditioned and unbalanced egoic patterning with the intention of finding the truth. We process our consciousness in order to become clear and to find our wholeness.”
Page 23, The Marriage of spirit by Leslie temple-thurston

Essentially, you review the code inside of you and -through processing-replace that with new code.

Processing helps you find a sense of balance for the time being.

Of course, life and consciousness work in spiral patterns, so the issue you’ve worked to resolve today will most assuredly come into your life in the future.

Having processed the issue, though, you are better able to deal with the experience. Processing helps you become calmer and wiser human.

The Practice of Processing

That’s all fine, of course, but what does processing look like in practice? Let’s look at my real-life issue: I hate being told what I can and can’t do.

Like really really don’t like it. Anytime I’m told I’m not allowed to do something, my automatic reaction is WHY? What’s so wrong with? That’s not fair. It’s not right.

It’s a feeling in my gut, in my solar-plexus. This is the location of the solar plexus chakra, the seat of manifesting our personal power in the world.

In Sanskrit, the word for the solar plexus chakra is Manipura, and it’s represented by the element of fire. This area of the body is about being grounded in your power, setting the direction of your life, and holding your opinions and beliefs.

So when I am told I can’t do something, I interpret those words -whatever they are, and however they’re delivered- as a personal attack.

Fire and Anger

The words hit like a sucker punch to my gut. I feel helpless. I feel victimized. The wind is out of my sails and I am the Ancient Mariner, adrift with no wind, no water, and the albatross of anger around my neck.

And boy, am I angry.

It’s a self-righteous, firey, burning anger. It’s the kind of anger that makes me want to scream, “how could you!” in situations where such an emotional outburst would do nothing to move the situation forward, and would – no doubt – cause more damage anyway.

Using the techniques of polarity, triangles, and squares, I can move through these feelings and better recognize them the next time they appear in my life.

Of course it doesn’t quite stop the reaction, but it does slow it down, and make me far more aware of the fact that my reaction is waaaaaay out of proportion with the criticism. And being aware of how you are reacting is one of the names of the evolving higher consciousness game.

The Polarity Technique

I’m going to take a little longer to write out exactly how to do this first technique. And – just for fun and you’re enjoyment of peaking into some of my innermost thoughts – I’ll use an example of me being told I can’t do something… or that I have to do something a different way.

(I’m kind of a little angry just thinking about that kind of a situation, so clearly, there’s more processing for me to do with that.)

The basic steps for the polarity technique are:

Pick an experience
Write about the experience
Pick out important words and phrases
Make a list of those important words and phrases
Find the opposites
Offer it up with a prayer
Wait for grace.

After you’ve picked the experience to explore, write it down. Get detailed. .

Writing it out has the ability to take the sting and bite out of the experience; it releases the tension and allows your mind to look at the experience from many different angles.

An abbreviated version might look like this:

I can’t believe that insensitive tyrant stoops to such petty nonsense. It doesn’t do anybody any good if you insist on something that makes no damned sense, and then don’t stick around to help with the implementation. It’s so frustrating to have someone (who thinks they know how this should work) criticize just this one tiny thing, but then never bother to praise the 10,000 other things I do right every.single.day. I know I should calm down about this, and I know that this happens all the time, but seriously? I am so angry. I’m frustrated. There’s not a damn thing I can do to change this situation and I feel so powerless.

After you write that experience down, you may need to take a break before proceeding.

Find the important words and phrases that are repeated over and over in the writing. What’s the theme that comes to you from this experience?

Make a list of those important words and phrases. Go over and over this list and make it as comprehensive as you can. You might even use Thesaurus.com and find a whole host of other words that relate to the list of words you’re focusing on.

Or maybe you’re not as word geeky as I am – lol.

What are some of the key words and phrases from that (very short) rant?

can’t believe
insensitive
tyrant
stoop to
petty nonsense
makes no damned sense
stick around to help
it’s so frustrating
think they know how it should work
criticise this tiny thing
never bother to praise
I should calm down
angry
frustrated
powerless

In The Marriage of Spirit, Leslie Temple-Thurston writes that each word “…represents a vibratory frequency, which fills in the picture much more clearly. The more filled-in the picture is, the bigger the breakthrough you are going to have, and the more tangible the shift will be.”

The next step is to find the opposites for each word on your list.

can’t believe —– I believe
insensitive —- sensitive
tyrant —- benevolent leader
stoop to —- raise up
petty nonsense —- wisdom and understanding
makes no damned sense —- makes sense
never helps —- helpful
frustrating —- inspire
think they know how it should work —- practical experience
criticize this tiny thing —- compliment
no praise —- compliment or praise
I should calm down —- It’s OK to be agitated
Angry —- content
Frustrated —- fulfilled
Powerless —- capable and competent

When you’ve come up with the best list you can, and you’ve thoroughly looked at all of the opposites (really use that Thesaurus website and explore the different ways to express the words) — then you offer it up in prayer.

How you offer this prayer is entirely up to you. It doesn’t matter if you do this formally with a fancy ritual, or if you dance naked in the moonlight around a roaring campfire. Howl at the moon, burn the writing and the list, speak to the goddesses, or have a chat with Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, nature spirits, and your ancestors all at the same time. Totally up to you.

The important part is that you are sincere in your offering. Really put your heart and soul into the prayer. Aim for something like this:

Dear spirit, guides and ancestors, and all that gather to hear my words, my heart is heavy. I am weary of feeling so unbalanced. Please take these patterns in me and clear them. Do this so I may feel more lighthearted and am better able to be the best that I can be while I am here walking on this earth. I give thanks knowing that this will be done. Namaste. So be it. Amen.
adapted from p. 166 of The Marriage of Spirit

The final step in working with polarities is simply to wait (Temple-Thurston calls it waiting for grace) and writes:

When grace comes in, you may feel a shift in your physical body or in your subtle body. Or maybe you will have some emotions pass through. Or perhaps you will suddenly start getting insights. Or that night you might have significant dreams…”

Eventually, as you work at this, practicing polarities becomes natural. You’ll be criticized and feel angry, but think, “I am angry at these words, and I am also calm and competent. These words are not about me…” or something similar.

Some day, you may even be able to save writing the experience and the words and the opposites for more complex issues.

The Triangle Technique

Once you understand how to work with opposites, processing with triangles and squares is easier to understand. Here are the basic steps for triangles:

Choose a polarity
Write it on the baseline points of a triangle
Find the ascended balance and write it at the apex of the triangle
Offer it up in prayer, and ask for the ascended state to be instituted instead of the polarity.
Wait for grace.

The triangles work with what my primary meditation teacher might call The Law of Threes: for every pair of opposite there is a higher resolution or balance point. For example,

power and powerlessness resolve upward to surrender and humility.
Loss and gain resolve as neutrality.
Control and loss of control might resolve as detachment, surrender, and neutrality.
Victim and tyrant resolve as selflessness and forgiveness.

Temple-Thurston includes a list of ascended balance states — ie, the resolution of that tension between two opposites. Here are some:

Acceptance
Attunement
Balance
Compassion
Detachment
Equanimity
Forgiveness
Gratitude
Harmony
Humility
Joy
Patience
Tolerance
Trust
Unity
Wisdom

The Squares Technique

Squares are yet another way to work with issues that just never seem to go away.

Choose a polarity
Draw a large square. Divide the square into four smaller squares. In the upper two squares write: fear of (polarity 1) and desire to (polarity 1.) In the lower two squares write fear of polarity 2 and desire to polarity 2. See the image below for what it should look like.
Apply data — fill in the squares (and the edges around the squares and however much paper you need) with every possible way in which you know that desire or fear.
Offer the square up to spirit.
Wait for grace.

Temple-Thurston offers plenty of examples to explore in your life:

Dependent and Independent
Inferior and Superior
Approval and Disapproval
Lack and Abundance
Victim and Tyrant
Manipulative and Straight Forward

Try It Out

These three techniques have so many applications, and I’ve only begun to explore them. Truth be told, I’ve only glanced at the rest of the book because these techniques blew me away.

Learn more about the work of Leslie Temple-Thurston at CoreLight.

Download key chapters of The Marriage of Spirit

Buy The Marriage of Spirit at Amazon. (I am an Amazon Affiliate. If you click on a link and buy something (even if it’s not the particular book,) I receive a little compensation. I think I’ve made $5-10 over the years of blogging, probably because I’ve clicked on my links – lol.)