Meditation

Farewell Michelle

On October 15, 2022, my dear friend Michelle Mather passed away. My world is a little more lonely without her. It was comforting to know that she was out there, living her life, and never more than a phone call away.

Beginnings

We met in the 1990’s in Athens, Georgia at the Pathfinder Bookstore. Pathfinder was a hub for new age activity in Athens and it was run by Gayle Clayton. I suppose new age isn’t the best term anymore, but in the 90s, that’s what it was. You could pick up a copy of a book on meditation or a book on earth changes or have a tarot reading.

There were classes, too, and that’s where where I met Michelle. We were both in Psychic Arts I and II, and then in workshops and more going forward. We were both in workshops with Ron Mangravite, and even now I can hear Michelle asking questions on the recordings of those workshops.

At the time Michelle was finishing up a master’s in social work at the University of Georgia and going through a divorce. We bonded over meditation and music and food and shopping.

Between the divorce and finishing the masters and moving on to her first social work job, she even lived on my couch for a time. We became very good friends. Heck, she and my sister shared the same birth date and year.

Tarot

As I said, we both took several classes at the time that helped us explore and learn about “new age” stuff. In one of the classes that Gayle taught we learned about the major arcana of the tarot. Being a pack rat, I’ve kept notes from that class, so I know that Michelle had the High Priestess and the Hermit cards to explore and explain to the group.

The High Priestess represents intuition, mystery, and sensuality combined with common sense. Michelle was earthy and mysterious and had a load of common sense: she did the right thing even when it was the hardest choice.

The Hermit represents a period of soul searching, self-reflection, and spiritual enlightenment; it can mean seeking (or offering) the services of a counsellor or psychiatrist. Michelle was a social worker and she spent a lot of time alone searching for – well, searching.

Travels

Over the years we kept in touch on the phone and through visits. I visited her in Albany, Georgia, Huron and Lorain, Ohio, and finally in Fayetteville, North Carolina. I never did get to her home in Anderson, South Carolina.

At her apartment in Albany, Georgia, we hit the local thrift store. I found one of my most cherished vintage jackets that day.

Michelle came to my home here in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, and visited when I lived in Knoxville, Tennessee, too. She was at my wedding and was a friend through the subsequent divorce and bankruptcy. We met up one time in Ann Arbor, Michigan, too, and we ate and shopped our way around town.

On two occasions I visited with Michelle at her family’s home in Florida. I vaguely remember a holiday in a brown brick house and then another visit to a white house that had a sunken living room and a moon light. I really don’t remember the details of the whens or the whys and they truly don’t matter anymore.

On one of these occasions we stopped on the long drive from Athens to Orlando at the Spiritualist community at Casa Dega so Michelle could have a reading – she loved having readings.

Her family was warm and welcoming. I remember we had a delicious dinner at a Mexican restaurant one time. Another time we went to breakfast at the Old Sugar Mill Pancake House at the Ponce DeLeon Springs State Park.

I remember visiting Michelle in Ohio and a dinner with meditation friend Deb; there was another time when most of the Ohio meditation group drove to the college town of Oberlin for a dinner at a Japanese restaurant. One time Michelle and I went into Cleveland to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We always went shopping and out to eat.

Michelle loved clothes. She loved matching her nail polish to the color of her outfit. She took great care to be well presented at all times and she loved shopping…

No, It’s better to speak the truth and say that she was obsessed with shopping. I should know, I’m obsessed with shopping, too. And that’s another reason why we were good friends.

Luna’s Love Loaf

In the 90s we participated in sweat lodges and drumming circles near Athens. These were potlucks and I’d bring a casserole or a salad or some new recipe I’d learned. Michelle always brought beer bread.

Michelle loved food but confessed to being a poor cook. One thing she could whip up at the drop of a hat was a good batch of beer bread. Her nickname in Athens was Luna, so beer bread will forever be known as “Luna’s Love Loaf” to me.

The poem “Luna’s Lending Library” in my book The WordStorm even features Luna’s Love Loaf!

Dessert and Mouth Orgasms

On the night Michelle passed away, I felt pulled to go out to dinner. Before the pandemic, I ate dinner out almost every Thursday. Since the pandemic and the arrival of HelloFresh in my life, I haven’t gone out to eat nearly as much. But that Saturday night, I was compelled to leave the house and drive to Stir – one of the best restaurants in town.

Uncharacteristically, I had steak with forest mushroom demi, Dauphinoise potato, with fresh vegetable. And then there was dessert.

I don’t believe Michelle ever missed a chance to have dessert. From the Chocolate Decadence at the Athens Coffee House (where the phrase “mouth orgasm” first showed up) to a lowly cookie, Michelle loved her sweets.

Mouth orgasm – do I have to explain? It’s when you take that first bite of a dessert and it just sends out of of this world…like an orgasm…except it’s dessert. (But don’t limit yourself to dessert – any food can cause a mouth orgasm.)

So the dessert for me on that Saturday night was one that Michelle would have loved. It’s was called a peanut butter honey tart, but that doesn’t suffice. Just imagine:

Peanut butter mixed with sour cream and sugar. Piped into a flaky pastry crust. Topped with whipped cream. Drizzled with caramel and chocolate and honey. Dusted with crushed peanuts.

Oh, just look at this—

It was remarkable and I’m sure my friend would have loved this dessert. Every bite sent me out of this world.

I’ll have to go back and enjoy the dessert all over again, just to be sure. And I’m sad that we’ll never share dessert again.

Music

We both loved dancing to the legendary one-armed blues harmonica player Neal Patman in Athens. Patman routinely propositioned Michelle; she accepted his compliments and graciously turned him down every time. This video is from somewhere in Athens in the mid-1990s – right around the time Michelle and I would have gone to see him.

Another somewhat obscure band we both enjoyed was October Project. If I remember correctly, Michelle actually got to see the band live in Athens – sometime before we met.

Showing The Way

Because of Michelle’s passing and my subsequent illness, I had plenty of time to think about what I would leave behind. Because Michelle’s passing was unexpected, she’d didn’t have time to make a will or even attempt to give away cherished items.

Right now, I’d leave behind a mess of books, paperwork, clothes, and a whole lot of unfinished stuff. I’d leave behind those little secrets that we all hide in the junk drawers in our hearts. I’d leave behind books not written, excuses, hopes for the future, and the little bites that these things eat from our souls.

One time when Michelle and I were talking, she said that she was working her way through my poetry book by reading one poem at a time. That astonished me.

And now, it makes me want to write more. To stop the little bites from eating away the books I haven’t written and to actually get those books written. It makes me want to get my house (literally) more in order, but that may well be a future never written.

I’m happy to have someone on the other side looking out for me, sending me little whispers. I’m pretty sure Michelle’s job is to help me be sure to eat enough and to eat well. She’ll keep me writing and keep me seeking out new friendships. I’ll carry her memory with me on the best shopping trips.

Michelle wasn’t perfect; none of us are. She was a truly compassionate soul. She struggled with weight loss and gain, with money, and with other health issues, too. Mental health and especially depression followed her everywhere.

Despite these, Michelle was incredible at building community wherever she lived. Yes, she lived on her own, but she always found friends and lovers wherever she went. She’d share about road trips to the beach or a birthday celebration on Kelleys Island or meeting friends after work for dinner and a movie or brunch on Sunday. She’d often recount the annual trips to stay with her cousins in Pennsylvania.

Michelle is responsible for connecting the Athens meditation friends up with the folks in Ohio. She moved to Ohio and promptly found a community. Michelle had Gayle go to Ohio to teach and, from those teachings emerged a tightly knit group that later merged with the Athens group.

That blended group had only just begun meeting again on Zoom and, upon learning of Michelle’s passing, we gathered to celebrate her life. She will be missed, and I thank her for showing the way.

Please Remember Me

One night in the 90’s Michelle, Gayle, and I went to see singer-songwriter Loreena McKennitt in Atlanta. Here’s Dante’s Prayer with it’s haunting “please remember me” refrain. I will never forget my friend Michelle.

Ron Mangravite: Modern Meditation Master (A Tribute)

The publicly available information about metaphysical teacher and healer Ron Managravite barely rise above the surface facts of his life:

Ronald Vincent Mangravite was born in New York City, New York, on August 15, 1933 to Carmine and Ellen Joy Glenfield Mangravite.
He died in Leicester, North Carolina on October 1, 1998. There are currently no flowers on his FindAGrave entry.
Proud of his Italian heritage, Ron was a son, brother, husband, and father.

But to a relatively small group of people, Ron Managravite was a modern meditation master.

And given that it’s been more than twenty years since his passing from this dimension, I feel Ron and his work are highly overdue for an online tribute.

Ron Mangravite

About Ron

As I said, there is precious little online about Ron’s life and teachings.

Jan T. Adams, MD interviewed Ron in this article from the September 1, 1993 edition of The Edge magazine. The interview starts with a brief synopsis of the facts of his life and especially how he came to teach meditation:

Sometime during his 30s, Ron Mangravite attended a party where the conversation centered around a topic called bioenergetics. As he listened, he felt a familiarity with the concept, though he’d not heard it before, and found himself saying, “I can do that.” So they all formed a circle, holding hands. To everyone’s surprise, some people began to fall over when he did, ‘that.’
Though he’d had an unusual childhood, marked with serious illness, Ron had, up to that point, lived a fairly conventional life. After completing collegiate studies in chemistry, he held positions in industry as a chemist, and has operated his own chemical consulting firm since 1973. But it was his “taste for the infinite” which began to play a larger role for him after that pivotal party. He became active in parapsychology, investigating phenomena of all types, and was the consulting parapyschic for The Amityville Horror, as well as many other hauntings.
He has been featured on TV shows, magazine articles (New York Magazine, Fate, Psychology Today,) and in the book, The Joy of Touch, by Dr. Russ Rueger (Simon and Schuster, 1981.) In that book in a chapter on psychic healing, Dr. Russ Rueger discusses his own experience with Ron in an energy circle again with one participant vomiting, another shuddering and weeping uncontrollably.
As his understanding evolved and deepened, he widened his circle as teacher/mystic/healer to include workshops and meditation groups all over the country, and week-long intensives with Foundation, his group for consciousness and spiritual growth. Among his many gifts, however, the ability to concentrate, generate, and transmit energy for transformational and healing purposes remains a standout.

My Connection

In 1993 I was fired from my job as a shoe store manager in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and moved back into my old blue bedroom upstairs in my parents home on Gratiot Road in rural Hemlock, Michigan.

One of my colleagues from the shoe store had moved to Raleigh, North Carolina, and I plotted a visit to escape the miserable Michigan winter. Secretly, though, I was hoping to move to Athens, Georgia – the home of the rock band R.E.M.

I did visit my colleague in North Carolina, then went down to Savannah and stayed on nearby Tybee Island.

I arrived in Athens and settled into a furnished one-bedroom apartment on Olgethorpe Avenue by the now defunct Navy Supply Corps school.

One day I walked into a store downtown, looked around, and left thinking to myself, “This is not the right store.” A few months later I walked into same space.

It was now rented by Cynthia Gayle Clayton the proprietor of new age metaphysical store called Pathfinder. I’d found my meditation teacher, but didn’t know it; she seemed like an ordinary person to me.

I left the store that day with a book about pole shifts, and returned over and over again for many classes, workshops, and meditations.

Transformation of the Self & the Universe

In March 1995 I attended a two day weekend workshop called “Transformation of the Self and the Universe” led by Ron Mangravite.

Ron reminded me of Sean Connery in the roll of Ramierz in the move The Highlander. He had sparkling blue eyes and a mischievous smirk.

And, unlike the brash swaggering of Ramierez pictured below, Ron on first glance was kind of quiet and unassuming.

But then he started to teach or do energy work, and he commanded the room with startling authority.

In some ways the workshop was boring because Ron lectured a LOT about a host of convoluted subjects. He could talk for hours slowly tying themes together.

Sometimes he didn’t tie things together, but instead dropped a hint that there was more he could talk about regarding…well, whatever.

Long hours of lecture were broken up with energy work and potluck lunches. And as you may have guessed, the big attraction to these workshops was the energy.

The Energy

The sad thing is that, if you have no experience with someone who transmits energy, you may have a hard time understanding what I’m talking about.

Maybe the closest equivalent is the feelings of love or fear. Once you experience those energies, you know them.

Here’s another example: Ron could cause energy to move up, down, clockwise, or counter clockwise. Standing in a circle holding hands with other workshop participants, you could literally feel that movement.

But Ron did a whole lot more than move energy in these simple ways.

He transmitted lightning hot energy (clear/focused) into this lower (dense/cloudy) dimension. And that energy moved through that standing circle.

Words start to fail when you try to describe these things.

Anyway, I was in several workshops taught by Ron in 1995-1998 in Athens, Georgia.

My time in Athens was magical and extraordinary; there were a lot of friends, good food, and great poetry (I wrote a lot of poems in my book The WordStorm while in Athens.)

Ron and his teachings were a large part of those phenomenal years.

Timeline

This is a list of known dates for workshops, retreats, lectures, etc., and I’ll update this list as I learn more. These are listed by year, title or topic, and location if known.

Disclaimer: Some of these have recordings; however, the recordings are held privately and are not available for purchase or download or anything. As far as I know, it’s not possible to buy Ron’s work anywhere. I do not retain copyright control for any of Ron’s metaphysical work.

1976 Orgone Energy, QSP Seminar
1977 Parapyschology
1977 Paranormal Modes of Healing
1977 An Alternate Reality
1977 Haunted Houses, Pennsauken, New Jersey
1981 Transparent Psychology and Chakras
1981 Foundation
1982 Tampa, Florida
1982 {William} Reich 25 Years Later at LSP
1983 Aspects of Sexuality at Mensa Snowball
1984 Seacliff LT2
1985 Earth Meditation, Guildford-Greensboro, North Carolina
1985 Esoteric Psycholgy, Tupelo, MS
1986 Lambertville
1986 Bonclarken I
1986 New Teaching in Tampa, FL
1987 New York City Group
1987 PSI in Lancaster, Pennsylvania
1987 New Overview Workshop, Denver, Colorado
1987 Cosmology at SE SFF
1987 Bonclarken IV
1987 Concepts of Harmonic Convergence at UUPSI
1988 Bonclarken V
1988 Holy Blood, Holy Grail at NE SFF
1988 Bonclarken VI
1989 Foundation
1989 Stargate – Treatise on the Death Process
1989 The Mysteries and their Origins, Atlanta, Georgia
1989 Myths of Extraterrestrials
1989 Psychosis, Olivette SFF
1989 Great Space Meditation
1989 Creation in Minneapolis, Minnesota
1989 Foundation II
1989 Mystery Schools and Extraterrestrials
1990 Foundation
1990 Conscious Dying at SFF NE
1990 Meditation Weekend, New Jersey
1990 Foundation IV
1990 Karma, Consciousness, and Healing Workshop
1991 My Death Experience
1991 Myth and Psyche
1991 Foundation V
1991 Summer Intensive
1991 Speech at Ananda Center, Tampa, Florida
1991 (December 4) Spiritual Frontiers Fellowship
1992 Religion & Science: Is the Conflict Over, SFF Great Lakes Retreat
1992 Kundalini/Chi, Windham, Portland, Maine
1992 Teaching the Close
1992 Foundation VII
1993 Foundation IX
1993 Foundation X
1994 What Is Our Future Path? SFF Midwest Retreat
1994 Foundation XI
1994 Energy System, Minneapolis, Minnesota
1994 Spiritual Growth: Promise and Paradox, Poconos, Pennsylvania
1994 Universal Mysteries, Sacred Marriage, SFF Midwest
1994 Foundation XII
1995 Brain Mapping Technique
1995 Transformation of the Self and the Universe Part I, Athens, Georgia
1995 Foundation XIII
1995 Transformation of the Self and the Universe Part II, Athens, Georgia
1995 Foundation XIV
1996 Opening Into A Higher Reality, Athens, Georgia
1996 Myth and Consciousness, Chapel Hills, North Carolina
1996 Foundation XV: A View From The Bridge
1996 Sacred Geometry and the Mystical State, Minneapolis, Minnesota
1996 Space, Time, and Spirit, Athens, Georgia
1996 Ego, Ritual and The Twelve, Poconos, Pennsylvania
1996 Attributes of the Higher Realms, Athens, Georgia
1997 The Initiate Teaching, Minneapolis, Minnesota
1997 Greater Mysteries, Poconos, Pennsylvania
1997 Ritual and Consciousness, Diviana, New Jersey
1997 Tantra of the Body, Denville, New Jersey
1997 Tantra of the Body, Georgia
1998 Meditation Intensive, Asheville, North Carolina
1998 Bonclarken XXII
Unknown date, Earth Meditation at Awareness Motivation Institute

Notes

Bonclarken is a private conference center in Western North Carolina. Ron rented space there for week-long intensives.
Retreats were also held at the Montreat conference center near Black Rock, North Carolina. The Reynold’s Lodge was often rented; it has two communal bathrooms, housing for up to 32 guests, a working stone fireplace, a fully equipped kitchen, and a rocking chair porch.

Quotes

A small collection of quotes pulled from those 1994-1998 lectures. I won’t include the bad dad-style puns and jokes that broke up the long hours of lectures.

To learn to play the role of a conscious being, you are a part of the highest being you consider to be your ideal: Jesus, Buddha, or magician. To fully pass that level, you must become all of them.

You must be in the system. You cannot affect the system and be out of the system. You can affect the system by being above it. You cannot affect the system and be below it. How do you get out of the system? By being conscious, you cause things to happen to other people.

The world is full of dead people. People who formed a functional ego and then refused to allow it to change. They are rigid, strong, solid, and will not change. They cannot conceive of their fundamental nature changing… Rearranging your outer behavior does not accomplish the inner work. Rearranging your inner self gets the work done How? By re-scripting.

Personal power is a high level substitute for functional ego. A person with true power has no need to put people down.

The nature of true spiritual growth and enlightenment depends upon slowly changing your underlying premise. You never lose anything that is real.

In terms of ghosts, the average person on dying has a certain amount of conscious essence which lasts anywhere from a few minutes if they are highly evolved and they are attempting to translate themselves rapidly into some other dimension, or it can last for weeks or months. In the average individual, it lasts anywhere from a day to three days… What tends to last long is what’s been called a shell, a…record of whatever compulsions that ran through the person’s mind. These shells last longer if they attach themselves to something that is physically dense… {Haunts tend to be} an afterimage of the strong emotional patterns of someone who lived in the home.

Every conscious being is in total control of the universe. Why doesn’t one conscious being go to war with another conscious being? They can’t. If they are truly conscious, what is is, and you have no wish to change what is. You simply look around yourself and try to sort out illusion from what is. If you’re really conscious, no two conscious beings will disagree on what is illusion and what is because they recognize that they are each other.

Legacy

Ron Managravite lectured and taught around the United States in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s. Many times these were small, intimate gatherings in student’s homes; sometimes they were larger venues with more people. But the people who attended these workshops and lectures are still out there today – are you one of them?

Gayle Clayton taught extensively in Athens, Georgia, and at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies in Rhinebeck, New York. She has written several books including Transformative Meditation and Mystery School: An Insider’s Perspective.
There is a course based on Gayle’s Transformative Meditation taught at the Awareness Institute in Sydney, Australia. One of these days, Australia, I’d really like to come and visit!
Claire Lewis Evans, student of both Gayle Clayton and Ron Mangravite filmed Masks during a week-long retreat in 1997. The 30-minute documentary “follows a group of seekers in an intimate day of mask making as an exercise in delving beneath the everyday persona and exploring the archetypal essences of self.” The video was filmed at the Reynolds Lodge mentioned above at the Montreat Conference Center.

How About You?

Did you ever attend a workshop taught by Ron Mangravite? Do you have a favorite quote or memory? Tell me about it in the comments.

Writing & Mindfulness

Not long ago I told someone that I was interested in the intersection of writing and mindfulness. The phrase just rolled off my tongue and – to be honest – I wasn’t quite sure what I meant.

A female hand holding a pen and writing. The words "writing and mindfulness."

Full disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate. If you click on a link and buy something (even if it’s not the particular book,) I receive a little compensation.

At first glance, mindfulness and writing have zero commonality. But a closer look reveals the “intersection” – that place where the two meet.

The easiest way to experience this intersection is by writing by hand. There comes a very obvious transition from complaining and list making to what feels like taking notes from god – spirit – source – whatever. And it’s clearly not you thinking, because words flow freely and are deftly organized.

For me, this “space” of not thinking is where my best writing comes from.

This transition between everyday consciousness to something else is nothing new for writers. Natalie Goldberg’s beloved Writing Down The Bones touches this space, as do Julia Cameron’s “Morning Pages” exercise. Both help you move from everyday and into this other type of writing. Here’s how to recognize that space:

Everyday Writing

Complains
Makes to do lists
Acts like “The Editor” and criticizes
Intellect talking to itself
Feels like you’re working at writing
Your handwriting is practiced and perfect

ExtraOrdinary Writing

I’m not writing, I’m taking notes from god.
Flow and lack of effort
The words move through me
It writes itself
Handwriting is loose and playful

When you enter into the stillness of not thinking, your writing changes. For me, if I do nothing for long periods of time, this “ExtraOrdinary” writing comes naturally. It becomes -if you will – the new every day. The question is how to get these extraordinary states to come into your life more often.

I daydream. I stay quiet and let cats sit on my lap for a long time. I don’t run off and get busy with a to-do list. This doing nothing keeps the connection between rigid consensual reality and source/spirit/no time firm. And the more you move back and forth between these two ways of being, the easier it becomes to adapt to the timelessness of not thinking.

The “lack” of structured time is a terrifying thought for anyone caught in 9-5, appointments, and to do lists. By daydreaming and not doing on a regular basis, you acclimatize yourself to this sinuous approach to life. I believe it is the natural way to be in the body.

Abandon Thought

We love thinking and linear thought. But there are other ways of being in the world that are utterly devoid of thought and that are profoundly natural and transformative.

On page 12 of Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond, Ajahn Brahm gets straight to the heart of the matter of this problem of thinking and commenting on everything. He calls it “inner speech.”

…inner speech does not know the world at all. It is the inner speech that spins the delusions that cause suffering. Inner speech causes us to be angry with our enemies and to form dangerous attachments to our loved ones. Inner speech causes all of life’s problems. It constructs fear and guilt, anxiety, and depression. It builds these illusions as deftly as the skilled actor manipulates the audience to create terrors or fears. So if you seek truth, you should value silent awareness and, when meditating, consider it more important than any thought.

Inner speech gets in the way of good writing. Learn to abandon inner speech, so your writing moves into that ‘other’ extraordinary space.

Writing morning pages – aka stream of consciousness or writing whatever comes into your head – helps you make the leap between here and there.

Meditation takes you the rest of the way.

But that’s another story.

Writing the Sly Silence Within

Working on a mindfulness certification, the one practice that pulls me forward is following the word.

That is, following the words that appear in my head as I’m meditating. I follow, realize I’m following, and return to breathing. I do the same thing when writing.

This practice developed by reading Julia Cameron and Natalie Goldberg years ago. Cameron talks about morning pages – three pages off the top of your head written by hand first thing in the morning, no interruption, no stopping to correct errors. Goldberg combined Zen meditation training with “stream of consciousness” writing and often wrote through a small notebook each month.

Both techniques help me find that sly silence within.

Being a Star Trek fan, I think that sly silence is the most interesting place ever. And you don’t have to get on a starship or airplane or cruise ship or any vehicle other than your own to get there. You just have to be quiet, really quiet, like this poem about writing a poem.