Life Coach

Top 5 Reasons To Hire A Life Coach

Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, life coaching is a transformational process. You begin the process and gradually you and your world change – all for the better and more beautiful. Here are five reasons you might want to hire a life coach.

Patterns and Obstacles

This is the reason I hired a life coach.

It became painfully obvious that I was complaining about the same things: I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the way the sun is shining, and I hate that I have these dreams desires and nothing ever happens with them.

I was tired of the repeating refrain of sadness.

I sent an email to my friend (and now life coach) that said, “I’m sending this email now before I chicken out. I want to hire you as a life coach.”

Listening Skills

I poured out my sad story to my coach in our first meeting. And she listened, and listened, and then kept listening.

There were questions, of course, but mostly she listened.

A life coach listens deeply. Listens with her full self. And, perhaps more importantly, listens without judgement.

And while friends are there to listen, they tend to conspire with you as both judge and jury: you were wronged. Nothing is resolved, other than the fact that you’ll talk again soon.

A life coach, on the other hand, guides you to see your role in the wronging, and to help you figure out ways that it might go different next time.

Encouragement

In addition to listening deeply, a life coach is there to support you every step of the way. She acts as your personal cheerleader, encouraging you with whatever you choose to do.

For some, this may be one of the few times in life where there is encouragement without judgement. If you want to sell your ju-ju beads on Etsy, your coach will be there with you through all the ups and downs.

Accountability

The other thing that a life coach helps with is accountability. I really don’t like the word, but I what it infers. Being accountable means that you are trustworthy – that you will do what you say you will. It means that you are responsible for what happens.

A coach holds you accountable for what you do and say. Together you decide what you want to achieve by the next meeting.

In my case, sometimes it’s very concrete goals: I want to have two blog posts written, or I want to have the outline for the project done. Other times, it’s more fuzzy: I think I want to listen to my intuition and see what it says I need to do.

Your coach keeps track of these goals. And at your next meeting, she will ask you if you accomplished the goals. If you did, great – you can explore how that went.

But what if you failed and just couldn’t finish anything? The answer is still great, and you explore how that went. The point isn’t always to achieve every single goal, but rather to understand your motivation behind the goal and why you were not able to achieve it.

Dreams and Desires

A coach holds your dreams close to her heart. She ‘holds space’ for those things to grow and bloom and flourish in your life.

She helps you explore various possibilities, and then helps you figure out what will work for you to test those possibilities out. And after the testing, she still works with you to hone and further refine your dreams and desires.

And, even better, your coach is there to celebrate all of your achievements – big and small.

Why Hire A Life Coach?

Here are sometimes when a life coach might be right for you:

If you have some things you’ve always wanted to do, but just haven’t gotten around to doing them.
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated with how things are and are ready for a change.
If you’re going through menopause and feeling like everything is changing.
If you’re newly retired and not quite sure what to do with yourself.

A life coach is here to be by your side through these transformations – and beyond. Contact me today to explore your possibilities or send an email to julie AT julieawallace.com.

Deanna Troi Asks Life Coaching Questions

If you’ve read m y about page, then you know I like Star Trek not Star Wars. During my life coaching training, I decided to see if Star Trek: The Next Generation (TNG) character Deanna Troi asks life coaching questions.

If there’s one thing I learned during a year’s worth of training towards becoming a life coach, it’s that asking a good question at the right time can change a client’s perspective in a heartbeat. And sometimes – just sometimes – Deanna Troi indeed does ask a question that alters perspective.

That said, I think Guinan is better at helping Enterprise crew see different perspectives. Rather than asking “life coachy” questions, though, Guinan tends to tell stories that elicit changes.

What Is A Good Life Coaching Question?

A good life coaching question makes you stop and think. I know I’ve asked a good question when the client can’t respond with a snappy answer.

There’s even a book with hundreds of powerful questions that a life coach might ask – questions like:

What are some of your core values?
What kind of structure can you place around yourself to make sure you remember to do that consistently?
What’s the dream that calls you here?
What makes this significant to you?
What would it take for you to get to the bottom of this?
What does this look like from the other person’s perspective?

These are the kind of questions that aren’t easy to answer. You really do have to pause and reflect before responding. The response can really change your perspective on whatever you happen to be exploring with your coach that day.

And Then I Watched Star Trek

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve watched the entire seven year run of Star Trek: The Next Generation. But then I got obsessed with the whole idea of Deanna Troi asking life coaching questions, and found Chrissie’s Transcript Site that has most TNG scripts.

And THEN I scanned all scripts on the website for questions asked by Deanna Troi.

Why did I do that? Because someone noticed how many roving potted plants there are on TNG, so – why not how many life coaching questions Troi asks?

It’s remarkable how few lines Troi has. On some shows it’s one or two lines, while on others (The Hunted, Season 3) she has many. And there are even fewer scenes in her (decidedly 80s-styled) office.

There’s a lot more I could say here about the Deanna Troi character -most of it negative – but plenty of other people already have (here – here – and here, too.)

Let’s get to the questions.

Deanna Troi’s Questions

My excel spreadsheet shows 887 questions. Yes, I did put them into a spreadsheet. How else could I figure out if they were good coaching questions?

319 of those questions are about what I’ll call “outer space problems.” These are topics that your average life coach will never need to ask:

Is there any indication of temporal displacement?
Captain, do you exist in combination with this entity?
Are we at war with the Ferengi yet?
Did you ever spend time in the nacelle control room while it was under construction?
How are we going to know whether the pulse reboots Data’s ethical program?
Hekaras Two is inhabited, isn’t it?
If we have established that the Romulans were not responsible for the destruction of the Yamato, would it not be prudent to withdraw?
Mister Tarmin, are all Ullians able to read memories?
Is there any evidence at all that they’re sentient?

There are around 63 questions that are not even remotely appropriate for a coach to ask:

Come in for a drink?
May I join you?
Wouldn’t you rather be alone with me? With me in your mind?
Data, have you been in my quarters?
You don’t remember us falling in love and getting married?
Can you deal me in?
Why didn’t we do this a long time ago?

Here are some of the questions that definitely aren’t coaching questions. But then again, maybe they could become coaching questions if they were restructured a bit:

Memory or nightmare?
You have no idea who she is?
Can’t you intensify that emotion?
Why do you have all this anger toward me?
Where are you?
Should I?
Why should you care whether I trust you or not?
Why can’t you turn your disadvantage into an advantage? (I really wish the line had been “How can you turn your advantage into a disadvantage?” That would be a great coaching question!)
Are you ready to cooperate?
Do you think you’re the only one in pain?
Do you think you have the monopoly on loss?

Good Coaching Questions, Deanna!

There are more than 300 questions that are ‘good’ coaching questions:

Captain, if I may recommend? (Here, she’s asking permission to recommend. This is important in coaching.)
But did we tell them anything they want to hear?
How did you manage that?
Now what?
Mmmm? (This is a good question, I swear. It allows the client to expand on the topic.)
When was the last attempt made?
What do you wish you had said?
Why are you so hard on yourself? (this one’s questionable – it might put the client on the defensive.)
What do you mean?
What is it you’re looking for?
May I make a suggestion?
What do your feelings tell you?
What?
Why not?
May I ask how?
What have you discovered?
How are you feeling about this now?
What is your plan?
How’s it going?
What’s wrong?
How does it feel being with people again?
Is that what you’ve decided to do?
If you had to give this feeling a name, what would you call it?
What’s wrong?
What were you trying to do?
What happened next?
How so?
What?
May I ask why?
Is there a solution?
Do you have any idea why that might be?
And from these specifics, what general conclusion can you extrapolate?

Did you notice anything about the “good” coaching questions?

They’re all open-ended questions. They all invite the client to continue to add to the train of thought, or expand their perspective. The questions start with What, Who, How.

The questions usually don’t start with the word “why.” In fact, asking “why” puts the coach in an aggressive position, and entices the client to defend themselves.

Empathic Abilities?

It’s fairly well known that the writers of Start Trek: The Next Generation didn’t really know what to do with Deanna Troi and her “empathic” abilities; she was there for sex appeal.

Fortunately over seven seasons, the character did grow and change – and even became a bridge officer. Along the way, Deanna Troi also asked some good life coaching questions.

What Is A Life Coach?

what is a life coach

My short answer to the question “what is a life coach” is this: a life coach is a trained professional who guides you to move forward by asking powerful questions.

In truth, it’s hard to define exactly what a life coach is because the profession is relatively young and rapidly changing.

What is a Life Coach?

The International Coaching Federation, of which I am a member, defines coaching as

partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. Coaching helps people tap into their potential, unlocking sources of creativity and productivity.

I’ll bet that mouthful of positive words does not help you understand what a life coach is. But the words give you clues: partnering, thought-provoking, inspiring, and unlocking potential.

What A Life Coach Is Not

My life has had many twists and turns, and I’ve learned a lot about myself by defining what I like and don’t like. I’d think about professions and “just know” that it wasn’t right for me.

For example, I knew I didn’t want to be a doctor. If I ask you what a doctor is, you might answer that a doctor is someone you go to when sick. The doctor examines you, runs tests, gathers blood, and prescribes medicine that will make you feel better. To be super-simple, a doctor diagnoses and fixes people.

Of course that’s an incredibly naive way to describe a doctor because every practicing physician has years of education, training, and experience. Most doctors these days are specialists in the minutia of the functioning of the human body. Furthermore, a doctor can spot in a minute might take you and me a year to begin to diagnosis.

And no, a life coach isn’t a doctor. While I have ICF-accredited training program, I certainly don’t have the years of education of a typical doctor.

However, I do have a more than a half century of life experience. Much as a doctor brings education, training, and experience into each interaction with a new patient, a life coach brings their life experience to each and every session.

Life Coaching Is Also Not Therapy

People sometimes think that working with a life coach is just like seeing a therapist. But partnering with a life coach is not like working with a therapist. Generally, therapy looks backwards to what happened in the past at people and events that effect your current situation.

Therapy sometimes delves into deep dark secrets and trauma. And as those secrets are revealed to the light of your consciousness, therapy helps you learn how to move forward in life.

For me, therapy helped reclaim parts of myself that had been neglected or discarded. I learned that I was fine just the way I am.

Therapy plus meditation and ongoing introspection changed me unequivocally from the inside out. But life coaching isn’t therapy, and if you have unresolved issues from the past, life coaching probably isn’t a good fit for you at this time.

A Life Coach Isn’t A Minister, Either

For foundation-level training in life coaching, I received certification as a spiritual life coach. I love the spirit-filled world of mindfulness and meditation, and know that it plays a role in all my interactions.

But working with a spiritual coach is definitely not the same as being counseled by a pastor or minister. I can’t quote Bible verses or tell you to pray the rosary daily; I have neither the experience nor the desire to do so.

Instead, if you are open to it, we might explore what spirituality means to you, or brainstorm ways you can bring spirituality into your every day life.

If You Are Open To It

The phrase “if you are open to it” is very important in coaching. The coach should not leading where the session goes: that’s always up to the client. So if exploring spirituality isn’t your thing, that’s perfectly OK.

Likewise, the coach doesn’t tell you what you should do. It’s not my decision to make – it’s yours. As a coach I ask questions to help you make those decisions – and sometimes they’re big decisions.

Regardless, you decide where we go on this journey called life coaching. And if you’re thinking about leaving a job, starting a business, or taking a “wild” leap into the unknown, a life coach is the perfect companion.

What Is A Life Coach?

So what is a life coach? She’s your partner on this journey. She walks beside you. She’s your cheerleader. She holds you accountable and reminds you of those big dreams.

She’s the one to whom you confess your deepest and smallest fears. And she’s the one who leads you gently forward until that thing you never thought you could have is truly yours.

Got big dreams? Let’s talk!