Julie A. Wallace

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Transitions

The last four weeks or so have been about transitions. Deep winter is gone, and now we’re in almost-but-not-quite-spring.

Even though the calendar says today is the spring equinox, living in central Michigan I know darned well there could be more snow. I hope not. I am so ready for daffodils and tulips.

Bye Bye Tea and Sugar

In February my doctor told me I needed to lower my cholesterol. In an effort to do so, I’ve let go of most tea and radically minimized my sugar intake. That’s a major accomplishment and transition. Yeah me!

I have had a total of three cups of green tea over that time. I used to drink at least two hearty mugs of black tea a day, and more on the weekend.

It did take some time to get used to the new, not bouncy me, but it’s better. I’m more mellow and considerate, less likely to do things on impulse.

I was already eating oatmeal every day, walking a bit here and there, but still eating cookies. Lots of cookies. So I decided to minimize my intake of sugar.

I ate the last of the double-stuff Oreos, then bought some chocolate bars from the local co-op. After a meal, I mindfully eat a little chocolate.

Mindful Eating

There’s an exercise I learned years ago while working at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. You take one raisin. You observe the raisin. You put the raisin in your mouth, and then slowly eat the raisin so you can really, truly taste that raisin.

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing with chocolate.

I snap off a couple small hunks of the chocolate bar. I take a tiny bite of chocolate and then I savor.

The chocolate melts in my mouth. It is so utterly satisfying, I rarely desire more sweetness.

I finish the small hunks and am a very happy woman.

It is some kind of miracle, really, and a lovely transition.

Go Away Clutter

Another thing I’m slowly working on is letting go of clutter. This will take a LONG time as I have so much stuff – here, there, everywhere.

The other day I took a car load of miscellaneous stuff to the local thrift store. I’ve also gifted several things via Buy Nothing. This is an app that connects you with others in your area. You “gift” things you no longer need to someone else. You can also “ask” for things you’re in need of. You can also post a “gratitude” to say thanks.

I’ve gifted two cat towers, leftover cat litter, a fridge calendar, and more. Highly recommended.

CSA Time

Along with highly recommending Buy Nothing, I’d also suggest getting signed up for a local community supported agriculture (CSA) to support a local, organic farmer.

For around $300, the farmer grows and delivers veggies. For example, I will get a stove-top full worth of fresh veggies from June to the end of October. Between the CSA in the summer and HelloFresh in winter, I minimize the amount I spend at the grocery store. It’s less waste and less work – winning!

Find a local CSA through Local Harvest. I subscribe to Monroe Organics out of Alma, MI; they have a pickup a couple of blocks from my house on Tuesday.

Farewell Ivan

The final transition to talk about is the passing of my last cat, Ivan. On Facebook I described him as magnificent and cranky.

The 18-year-old rarely met anyone besides me he liked. At the vet’s office, his paperwork said he was evil – and he really was for them.

But for me, he was a constant companion and friend. I will miss him sleeping on my chest or right next to me, miss him sitting on my lap at night while I read. I picture Ivan romping in the warm sun with his sister kitties Jasmine, Ravine, and Nebula. No doubt there will be hissing involved.

With Ivan’s passing, I have transitioned to be completely cat free. This last week has been oddly quiet. No little patter of feet, no sounds of Ivan jumping onto the bed.

It’s also been exciting. Ivan required wet food twice a day mixed with pumpkin and Miralax. I can’t remember when I went somewhere spontaneously and spent the night – it was well before Covid.

I moved the litter boxes to the garage, rearranged some things.

I could never have rugs in the house because Ivan (or one of the other cats) would urinate on those rugs. So this week I bought two new rugs and rolled out an old one I’d been saving just for the day when I was cat free.

Your Turn

Wow! That’s a lot of transitions for me. What kind of transitions is this change from winter to spring bringing in your life?

Mission 2022 March

In 2022, I’m combining lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals.

But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

So how was February?

February’s Tarot Card

I did a tarot spread for the full year and February’s card was Rescue which admonished me to ask for help from spirit and people and places and whoever whenever. It encouraged me to see reality as it is, and to trust spirit.

As I write this, it’s Sunday, March 6. It seems like February is already months away, but it’s been less than a week.

March signals the end of what I call deep winter. I can start to think about not wearing Smartwool shirts, wool sweaters or heavy fleece jackets, and Sherpa-lined sweatpants all day, every day.

If the sweatpants get retired for the season, I’ll start wearing my Norsari’s a lot more; they’re perfect for wearing over anything when it’s still chilly…or when you’re sitting around reading books or writing all day.

Daylight Savings Time is starting soon, the days will be getting longer, and the official start to spring is coming soon, too. A lot of the snow has melted, but we’re still stuck with mud and piles of grey, melting snow. More snow will come, too, as our last frost day isn’t until May.

It’s definitely not warm enough for most plants to start budding, so the world is gloomy. I think my spring allergies will be here any day now, and man, I’ve got to do some spring cleanup in the yard.

Write 250 Words A Day, 5 Days A Week

Still working on this one. Looks like I’ll need to schedule my time, and I’m incredibly resistant. My inner child wants nothing more than to do what she wants when she wants; my adult, current age self totally appreciates that philosophy, but…if you have missions, there may need to be some sacrifice. I’ll have to have a long talk with my inner child.

Revamp WordStorm Casserole Poetry Book

Still working on this one; it’s looking like this will be paused, but I haven’t made a final decision.

Post Twice A Month On This Website

Yes! I did publish two posts in February! There was the February Mission Update and You Should Read This.

DeGoogle, deApple, deMicrosoft – embrace Linux!

Why? Because Google, Apple, and Microsoft all track your every move online and that’s wrong.

In February I used my Linux machine most of the time for personal use: checking personal email, watching YouTube videos, checking social media. I used it to watch Star Trek: Discovery on Amazon Prime. And yes, I occasionally crept back over to the Windows machine for files.

Have Fun

Sigh. It was February and soooo cold. I am not a winter person at all.

  • I downloaded an app called Likewise that makes suggestions for what to read/watch/listen to next based on TV shows, movies, books, and podcasts you’ve already consumed.
  • I walked once a week with a friend. Walked, outside and everything, in the cold, cold winter. It’s fun to walk and catch up on our lives.
  • I went two two movies during the Central Michigan International Film Festival. I saw a biography of chef Anthony Bourdain called Roadrunner, and then a documentary on the resurge of vinyl records called Vinyl Nation.
  • I had a birthday and turned sixty I had a yummy dinner with my sister and a friend brought me a plant and chocolates.
  • I had a craniosacral massage, too!

Big Secret Goal #1

I worked on this a bit in February. Baby steps count as progress!

Big Secret Goal #2

This goal involves hiring pros. Still waiting to hear from them to schedule an appointment date for further discussion and planning. The document and Pinterest board should prove useful.

What I’m Reading

On GoodReads, I have a 2022 Reading Challenge goal of at least 50 books. Since the last update I’ve read:

  • The Crossing by Alex Landragin can be read two ways. At the beginning of February, I’d read The Baroness sequence. During February I read the book cover-to-cover.
  • The Husband’s secret by Liane Moriarty.
  • I’m really surprised I didn’t read more in February! Where did the month go?

How About You?

How was your February? What big dreams and projects are you working on for this year?

You Should Read This

In January, I talked about transcending the animal and the power of a simple smile as it relates to learning and unlearning behaviors. This month, let’s look at the words we use to talk to ourselves. One word I continuously work at eliminating from my self talk is should.

The Way You Talk

The way you talk to yourself (aka self talk) is important to your well-being. And I know you talk to yourself because everybody does.

I live alone so I’m either talking with myself or talking with my cat. Quite often I’m talking right out loud to an empty house. In my humble opinion, it’s perfectly normal to talk with yourself.

The way in which we talk with ourselves is often scripted. We learn what to say and how to think from friends and family when we’re very young. We learn as babies and toddlers. We learn in grade school and then as we move into middle and high school and try to differentiate ourselves from that home environment.

The “scripts” we learn when young are interpreted by us as the final word, as the thing that we should never be questioned. We learn:

  • You shouldn’t do that, the neighbors might notice or
  • You shouldn’t do that, it’s embarrassing to our family or
  • You shouldn’t do that or you’ll get in trouble
  • You shouldn’t wear that, someone bad might notice or
  • You shouldn’t wear that – it sends the wrong message
  • You should do this thing here
  • I think you should do this, say this, be this
  • You should care more about
  • You should go to this (event, place, etc.)
  • You should believe this (and not that)
  • It’s even in headlines like “Investigators should examine” and “X should have looked at.”

As very young children, we hear these words. And then going forward, they stay with us until we learn how to rewrite the script and take charge of our thoughts.

Should Is Debt and Obligation

The dictionary definition of should shows that it is the past tense of the verb shall. The etymology of shall goes back to Middle English, Old English, High German and was defined as ought to, must.

But the etymology point that interested me the most is from the Lithuanian skola. Depending on how it’s written, skola can mean school; however, it can also mean to owe, a debt, duty, obligation, being indebted, or to lend or borrow. That is more what I’m talking about.

Think about the energy behind the word should, the history and ancestry of the word if you will. We humans are all products of the ancestors who have come before us. Words, likewise, carry the energy from which they emerged.

When we speak, “You should care more about…” there is a LOT happening notwithstanding the energy of the person speaking those words. That person might be angry or happy or sad.  It may be a friend simply suggestion that you try something new out.

Should, however it is used, implies that you ought to, that you must, that you are obligated, and that you are indebted to the person who made the suggestion. And ultimately, should is about shame.

Rewrite The Script

Merriam-Webster defines shame as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” They say it is “a condition of humiliating disgrace or repute” or “something that brings censure or reproach.”

So literally every time you think “I should do….” you are shaming yourself. You are reproaching yourself, you’re making yourself feel guilty. Feeling guilty leads to feeling angry, which leads to more should, and the whole darned thing just keeps circling.

Part of your job as an evolving human is to break your circle of shame and rewrite the should script. This is ongoing inner work and it can transform your relationship with yourself, which then changes the way you interact with the world.

Three Things To Try

  • When should appears in your self talk, this article suggests replacing should with “might.” That leaves you under no obligation or debt and keeps the door open for possibility.
  • Adjust the tone of your inner voice. Practice speaking to yourself with love and patience.
  • Embrace your inner child. It may sound sappy, but it sure works. Make your adult self the knight in shining armor for your younger self. Listen to her fears with an open heart and respond authentically. When your inner child feels safe and secure, your adult self feels better, too.

I’ve definitely changed the tone of my inner voice over the years, and I have a decent relationship with my inner child. I’ve never tried replacing should with might – yet.

What about you: Do you “should” all over yourself?

Mission 2022 February

In 2022, I’m combining lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals.

But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

So how was January?

January’s Tarot Card

I did a tarot spread for the full year and January’s card was Magic Stream. The card reminded me that collective awareness can lead to great inspiration. It’s encouraged me to let it flow – and especially to not try to force inspiration to happen. I definitely was “hibernating” in January, hunkering down at home, just like many of the plants in my back yard.

My office looks out onto that snow-covered back yard of this property. When I look out that window, I think of all of the flowers that are sound asleep, with one day just like the other, awaiting the warmth of the spring sun.

The same is true for me. January was hibernating, hunkering down, with the days flowing into one another. And even in all the quiet that is January, I got stuff done.

Write 250 words a day, five days a week

The fact that I managed to schedule four posts tells you I wrote more than 250 words a day, five days a week. Unfortunately, most of those words were written in December 2021.

  • I’m having a hard time tracking and quantifying this goal. For example, if I don’t write in something that counts words, I don’t know how many words I wrote.
  • Which makes me think I need to tweak this mission a bit.
  • Perhaps 250 words a day five days a week on a specific project?
  • What should I do here? Any suggestions?

Revamp Wordstorm Casserole poetry book

Post twice a month on this website.

Year end goal is 24 posts. A monthly “mission” check in is 12 of those posts!

DeGoogle, deApple, deMicrosoft – embrace Linux!

  • Why? Because Google, Apple, and Microsoft all track your every move online. Google, for example,  “allows you to freely use their services so they can track you and sell your data to advertisers.”
  • Linus is an alternative operating system, like Windows. You can change your Windows computer to a Linux computer; I wouldn’t recommend trying that unless you’re super comfy with computers.
  • For example, I tried to transform a computer because I ran into a funky technical thing. Even after trying multiple registry edits and consulting a group online for help, I caved and bought a refurbished Dell computer loaded with Linux Mint Cinnamon. It was ready to go, out of the box, just like any Windows or Mac machine would be. I did this in October and then Rona came to visit. 🙁
  • In January I ran updates on that computer, and installed some software that I’m familiar with like the Brave browser and LibreOffice. I also started transferring my personal computer stuff onto this Linux machine.
  • In late 2021, I changed my personal email account to MailFence; Tutanota and ProtonMail are alternatives, too.
  • For searches, I recommend DuckDuckGo; I’ve been using it for at least a year now.
  • For browser alternatives to Chrome, Firefox, and Edge, I have been using Brave; alternatives are Vivalidi and Tor.

Have fun

  • It’s really too cold to think about having fun…my main task this month was to stay warm – lol. No, seriously, as I write this post, it’s 19 degrees Fahrenheit outside and the ground is snow covered. Brrrr.
  • I did try a bunch of new HelloFresh recipes. Did you know that you can get to the recipes even without receiving a box? You sure can. This month I tried Creamy Lemon Butter Chicken, Sun-Dried Tomato Spaghetti, and Ricotta Tomato Ravioli with Toasted Panko. I’m really looking forward to my next shipment of Pub-Style Shepherd’s Pie.
  • I bought myself some spiffy new shoes from Alegria and a new pair of Birkenstock slippers.
  • I had dinner at an actual restaurant. I hadn’t done that in…three months maybe?
  • I got a good bill of health from a dentist and a doctor. Doc says I need to lower my cholesterol – any tips?
  • I had two craniosacral massages. I get massages about every other week and LOVE them.

Big secret goal #1. 

  • While I wrote this month, I didn’t track the number of words and only some of those written words apply to big secret goal #1. Sigh.

Big secret goal #2.

  • This goal involves hiring pros. I have a document and Pinterest board ready to share with them.

What I’m Reading

On GoodReads, I have a 2022 Reading Challenge goal of at least 50 books. It’s only one month into the year and I’m ahead of schedule by two books, but then again, I read more in the winter than I do in the summer. Here’s what I’ve read so far:

  1. The Fire Night by Teresa Messineo
  2. Wither by Lauren DeStafano (Book 1 in The Chemical Garden series)
  3. Take the Long Path by Joan de Hamel
  4. The Boston Girl by Anita Diamant
  5. The Dressmaker’s Secret by Rosalie Ham
  6. D (A Tale of Two Worlds): A Novel by Michel Faber
  7. There are two ways to read The Crossing by Alex Landragin. I just finished The Baroness sequence of Crossings by Alex Landragin. I’ll read it cover-to-cover, then add it to GoodReads.

How About You?

How was your January? Did you already forget about your New Year’s resolutions? What big dreams and projects do you have for this year?

The Rona Visit

This is an odd bit of writing. In it, I am being as clear as I can and also deliberately obtuse; censorship is alive and real both in the USA and around the globe.  And while this is my website, it is hosted; I’ve heard of sites being pulled down. Therefore, I’m being extra, extra cautious.

Rona arrived in early November and stayed for about two weeks. I’m not even sure how she got here – she didn’t show up on foot or in a car.

I had a bit of a scratchy throat, and then BAM! Lethargy hit and didn’t leave for more than a week.

Lethargy is like carrying a weighted blanket around all day. It quite literally weighs you down as if you’re carrying a cement block. Standing up is tiring. Fixing food, cleaning the cat litter, just doing regular things around the house – all exhausting.

I had fever, not bad. I didn’t have breathing or oxygen issues; my sister made sure I had a pulse oximeter and breathed deeply throughout the day.  I slept sitting up, or at least supported so I wasn’t lying down.

I tried lying on my stomach (aka proning) but failed as my nose was too stuffed up and runny.

I lost taste and smell. They have both mostly returned but not quite as acute; let’s say a 95% to the previous 100%.  I still can’t smell fouled kitty litter or green experiments pulled from the refrigerator, so that’s OK with me.

I took vitamin C, D, zinc, and drank copious amounts of Gatorade and water to stay hydrated. I moved every day…very slowly. I spent long hours reading books and watching YouTube videos.

I quarantined for two weeks and, by then, was recovered enough to venture out into the world a bit. I would have struggled mightily if not for the support of friends and family.

I knew I was improving when the lethargy lifted, like a kite in the wind, like a breeze cooling the humidity of summer.

Farewell Nebula

During this visit, my 16-year-old cat, Nebula was extra quiet. In retrospect, I believe she was actively dying because on November 23 she crossed the rainbow bridge peacefully at home.

She ‘helped’ in the kitchen. She sniffed out freshly cooked chicken a mile away and gobbled chunks of the same in seconds. I miss her sassy tail, ‘cauliflower’ ear, rubbies for days, and that amazing purr.

Miss Nebula was cremated and her remains are in a biodegradable urn. When my 18-year-old Ivan passes, he will also be cremated. I’ll bury all my cats  together and plant some catnip and a tree. I’ll be cat-free then, and life will be weird for awhile as I adjust to no pets and no purrs, and no ten-pound cat sleeping on my chest.

HelloFresh

HelloFresh, that ubiquitous home meal service, kept me going during the Rona visit. Every week three meals showed up and I had to do something with them. I cooked, I ate, and couldn’t taste much of anything. I kept eating, though, because I knew it was good quality food.

As a darned good cook, I never thought I’d like HelloFresh, but darn it all, I love it. Recently a box went missing and was never delivered; I panicked thinking of all time I’d spend thinking about what to eat, shopping for what to eat, dragging the groceries into the house, putting the groceries away, not using all of the groceries. It was hours!

I have free HelloFresh boxes available if you’re interested. Here’s another tip if you’re interested in HelloFresh: keep your eyes peeled online for discounts. They market aggressively, so surely you can find a better deal than a free box. For example, I started to use HelloFresh around September because there deal for something like ten free boxes or meals over Labor Day weekend.

The Sky Is Blue

To say the least, Rona is controversial; she’s divided the world in so many ways. At the bare minimum, I’m confident someone’s been lying to all the people of the world. 

Depending on what you read or hear or watch, wacky theories have come true right before our eyes: these last two years have been like weird disaster movies come to life. It still feels like I’m watching a train wreck in e…x…t…r…a…s…l…o…w…m…o…t…i…o…n.

You can’t see the lying, unless you’ve looked at other things and put the pieces together.

  • It’s like transcending the animal, pulling the pieces of your small ego apart, and then reassembling yourself as whole.
  • It’s like going through menopause; you come out on the other side utterly changed and utterly the same person.

In the Athens meditation groups back in the 90’s, we’d use the phrase “the sky is blue” to describe a moment of enlightenment – tiny enlightenment.

You don’t see that the sky is blue until you look at it with new eyes. Then, like a flash of lightening, you know and understand. It’s a gnostic knowledge, something you don’t know until you do, and once you do, you have always known.

  • You don’t know what childbirth is like until you’ve gone through it. Then you do, and the sky is blue.
  • You don’t know what love is until you’ve experienced it. Then you do, and the sky is blue.

Dark Blue Ice Cream

In this post from 2019 I wrote about ice cream being evil as a metaphor for the way we see and experience the world. It is definitely true in this era of Rona:

The hardest work is that which we do on ourselves: that work of uncovering the lies we’ve told ourselves or the lies we’ve been led to believe.

Rona is evil ice cream. It’s an unbearable deep dark blue sky that not everyone is able or willing to view or acknowledge.

So often we see the world in terms of opposites: black or white, yin or yang. yes or no. But my experience tells me the world is full of nuance. There are shadows we are not yet aware of just as there is light and color we cannot see.

I am being very cautious here. As much as I’d like to stick my head up and shout, that’s just not my style, and I believe shouting does very little to change perception.

But here I am saying something, anything. And, if you’re curious and want to go deep, we can talk.

Are You Curious?

“What is it that you understand right now about what’s happening? If I sense some ambivalence…then I’ll say, “Are you curious? Are you interested in learning about some other information or some other viewpoints that you might not be aware of right

Dr. Mark McDonald

Are you curious about other viewpoints? Where did you learn to believe what you believe.

In some ways, the roads have already split: jab or no jab. I am not jabbed.

Hidden things, things we choose to not look at, are big and scary: they are the evil ice cream of our lives.

Rona was a pain in the butt, but she wasn’t all that scary; certainly not scary enough to warrant all that’s happened in the last couple of years.

The best I can say is that I’ve become infinitely more comfortable with myself, if that was possible. I have become braver, if even in a minuscule way. Little changes add up to big changes add up to sea changes.

The sea has changed for me.

I haven’t stopped being curious about everything. I keep looking, keep searching. And I still believe in beauty and love and friendship and family. 

I believe in the things that really matter. Even if I don’t always show it, I do, in fact, love you.

Look.

Once you see, the sky is blue.

(or perhaps it’s purple and my eyes have not yet adjusted to the new color.)

You can’t “unsee” that beautiful, deep blue.

Paradox, possibilities, the endless swirl of the clock arms.

If you’re looking for answers, I have none: they are within you.

If you’re looking for reassurance that you made the right choice, I can only say I am OK with mine.

We must, after all, make peace with ourselves before we’re able to do so with others and the world. This is part of the great work, the work that changes everything.

Tools for the road

  • HelloFresh (not an affiliate link.)
  • While Rona was here, I loved watching Great Canal Journeys on YouTube. It’s as much about love, partnership, and life as it is about a love of the canals of England and beyond.
  • Having lived in London for six months many years ago, I adore watching London Free Tours by Foot on YouTube, too. I keep saying to myself, “Oh, I remember walking down this road” or “Oh, yep, but it looked a little different in the 80s.” Try the rock n’ roll tour or the Stonehenge tour.
  • Books I read catalogued on GoodReads and LibraryThing. I try to keep both of them up-to-date; last year I read 65 books. I almost didn’t make my goal of 60 books, so this year I’m shooting for 50.
  • The remainder of these links will bring cognitive dissonance to life for you and you and you. Read as much as you are able. Stop when you are tired or overwhelmed, and then read a bit more. There is so much to learn can be exhausting.
  • I am on Telegram and have a Telegram Channel where I share curated information that is not available in mainstream media.
  • Zelenko Protocol saves lives.
  • Catherine Austin Fitts for financial stuff. This interview is a must. She publishes the Solari Report
  • Mercola for health advice. So censored he now publishes articles one day, then removes them within 72 hours.
  • Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s book is a must read. It is a horrifying look at the AIDs crisis and guess who lead? Sigh; why is this man still in charge? (Not an affiliate link.)
  • 6 companies that own almost all the media
  • The website NoJabForMe. Start with Part 1.
  • Corey’s Digs Investigative Journalism. Start with tools for redpilling volume 6 (yes, redpilling, just like The Matrix)
  • Great Awakening Map links conspiracies and more.