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Feeling My Age

I’m not too sure when it started, but recently I’ve been feeling my age.

Grey Hair

My hair started to truly “go grey” ten or eleven years ago in my forties. There had been strands of grey all along, but I really started to notice the changes then.

I started coloring my hair. Sometimes the color was great: I got along with the stylist, and she had magic touch with coloring. There were several shes, mind you, as over eleven years there have been countless different stylists.

Other times, the stylist wasn’t so skilled, and my hair would have no depth or interest.

This summer, I’m transitioning from fully colored hair to straight up grey. I totally trust and love my stylist, and am ready to embrace all this grey hair.

The grey reflects the inside changes that have been happening throughout menopause. This menopause feels like a great turning or moving a lake one teaspoon at a time. The ‘maiden’ part of my life is long over, the ‘mother’ part is ending, and the ‘crone’ part is just beginning.

Slower Recovery Time

As I shared on Facebook, I recently hurt my back. Sure, I’ve hurt it before, but I recovered quickly.

Over the last few years, recovery times take longer – for everything. The nights of staying out late or having cocktails for dinner are long gone. I hesitate with one glass of wine because even that can make me feel hungover in the morning.

And mornings? Coming up and out from the depths of sleep takes longer. Getting this beautiful body out of bed and moving takes a little longer, too. Once up and going, I’m usually good to go…unless I hurt my back.

Then it’s PJ’s and books or streaming videos all day. And – as it happens – the occasional blog post.

Deepening Awareness

But feeling my age isn’t all about turning grey and slowing down. That great turning is unfolding a greater awareness of everything: of me, my world, others in my world.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve meditated and practiced mindfulness for so long, I don’t know. But there is such a deepening awareness it’s hard to put into words. It sounds poetic or hokey, like this:

I walked around my yard not long ago and said hello to all of the plants returning to life after winter. Hello to the peonies, phlox, sedum, hello to the little plum and peach trees I planted last year. I swear they talk back in their own plant way.

But this is a very real thing for me. When I choose to be aware, everything is alive. And more and more as I age, I choose awareness.

Emerging Wisdom

While I am feeling my age and talking to the plants, I have no plans to dwell in sadness or mourn the loss of youth. As a younger woman, I wrote a lot of poetry; so much so that I’m working at gathering all of those poems into a collection.

Here’s a sneak peak written by a 30-something year-old me. She was still scared of the world, scared of who she was becoming. And now? Not so scared, and not yet fully me.

IAM Becoming One

The One inside of me isn’t afraid of anything.

She’s more than happy to take on the world,

Because she knows that even in defeat

there are countless victories.

The One inside of me keeps shining her

flashlight, strobe light, guiding light, spotlight,

her bright Light for me to see my next step.

The one I am now is afraid of everything:

loud noises, quiet noises, excess noises,

and no noise at all. I am in between now:

I am not fully me, and I am not who I shall become.

I see the One I am becoming peeking out

from behind heavy curtains. Occasionally,

she puts on a simple costume and

speaks with other parts of me.

She, the One I shall become, knows all of me.

She is wise, kind, and compassionate.

She knows the struggles within process.

She knows enlightenment.

The One inside of me is not burdened by sorrow,

not tethered to memory, or to what “might” be.

She is a dancer, moving sublimely through life’s

intricate transitions. She gladly welcomes death.

She speaks her mind without fear.

She is innocence and maturity, crone and maiden.

She is the three sisters, and she is One.

The One inside of me has a hammer, sledge hammer,

jack hammer. She slams into what’s left of this

body’s shell. She slams into the fragile person

I cling to. She is a destroyer, a life giver.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Revolution?

Coined in 1965 by Elliott Jacques, the ‘midlife crisis’ is a term that implies that getting older is a disease. It suggests that life is completely over when you hit midlife, and that -with just one crisis- you’re ‘over it’ and better.

I see the phrase ‘midlife crisis’ as just one more way that Western (and specifically American) culture sends a message that you aren’t good enough the way you are today. And I think it’s hogwash, because it’s not a midlife crisis – it’s a midlife revolution.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Revolution?

Midlife for me has (so far) been about a great change in my life. In a way, my life has been ‘revolving’ and ‘evolving’ in ways I never thought it could. And in other ways, I feel like I’m truly coming home to settle in my skin and celebrate myself.

On Twitter, though, people using #midlifecrisis seem to assume that being in midlife is bad. Of course, there’s a humorous twist to each of the tweets; Twitter is for quick comments like those you might make at a cocktail party. The posts can be serious, snarky, and funny, like this one:

Pink unicorns in and of themselves are not a midlife crisis. But boy, society wants us to turn over and die already. The thinking is that at age 42, you’re definitely OLD, and most certainly too old for all sorts of things, including pink unicorn tops.

But buying a top with a pink unicorn isn’t a crisis, it’s a revolution. It’s a cry from your inner child, from the younger version of you, to really truly celebrate who you are.

It’s a shout to say, “This is who I am, world, get over it.” And if wearing pink unicorns is what you’re about, then do it with gusty.

Or, at least to let your silly side show. And the fact that you’re willing to follow this wild cry is a beautiful thing – revolutionary, even.

Because one thing this world definitely needs is to learn to (at least) appreciate if not downright celebrate aging and all that it brings, ammitright?

Aging Is Awesome

In the ‘aging is horrible’ category, there’s this lament from twenty-something @dylandonnelly12. Being just as close to 30 as you are 18 is definitely not a midlife thing, and it’s certainly no crisis. Being in high school sucked a lot more than being an adult – at least for me.

And while my 20s were fun, I don’t want to go back there (except for the ability to recover from having a couple of glasses of wine faster…now that I would like to get back. This song from Jamie Cullum sums up the 20-something experience… And it aint’ no midlife crisis.

Hair Color Is A Revolution

Going brunette after being blonde for 25 years is not a crisis, either. It’s a way to trust your inner feelings, and take a wild leap into a new version of you.

Right now I’m transitioning from a regular hair dye about the same color as my natural hair into a full-blown head of grey hair. It’s a wild leap to trust both my stylist and my inner instincts. It’s both frightening and exciting at the same time.

I’ve got all sorts of questions running around in my head: Who will I be with grey hair? What does that mean for my life? What color of grey is it going to be?

And I have all sorts of answers, too: I’m still me, and it means nothing – other than you’re getting older and gaining more wisdom. In some ways, the transition from brunette to grey is an outward manifestation of the amazing inner revolution that midlife has brought me through.

Wrinkles Are A Revolution

Wrinkles are part of life, too. They’re an indication that you’ve lived a full life.

And who says you have to be mature to be 50? Ask anyone who – around age 50 – has bought a fast sports car or dated someone *much* younger than them.

Heck, I don’t even know what ‘being mature’ means, anymore than I know what it means to be a ‘real’ adult.

I’m a firm believer that -if you are your own kooky, crazy self -you’ll be a-ok. And probably a whole lot happier, wrinkles and all.

The Power of Asking A Question

Oh, I ask this question every day, or almost every day. Well, at least once a week, month, and definitely more than once a year.

For me, the “what the heck am I doing” question is really the universe sending you the message that it’s time to change things up. And if you’re willing to ask the question, you’ve got to be brave enough to listen for the answer your soul offers.

The Midlife Revolution

Wikipedia defines a midlife crisis as “…a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45–64 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly shortcomings of accomplishments in life. This may produce feelings of depression, remorse, and anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to current lifestyle.”

Midlife (and menopause in particular) is not a disease. It’s the opportunity to pause and take stock. And the time it takes to do that is up to you.

For me, the revolution started in earnest after returning from a spiritual journey to Peru. I came back into ‘my real life’ and was unhappy…to put it mildly. And in the ensuing years, I’ve set in motion things that will redefine my life – for the rest of my life.

I spent a year becoming a life coach. I learned Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy. Right now I’m working through a mindfulness certification so I can bring the practice to more people. All of these things are going to contribute to this new life I’m creating.

But it didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t happy without some weeping and wailing – and hot flashes. I’ve described my midlife revolution as moving the ocean of my life into another basin one tablespoon at a time. Some of the drops of water don’t make the transition, and sometimes you pick up things along the way that you never knew you wanted.

Midlife is a time of transition. It’s a time to celebrate and cry, to laugh and mourn. And it’s a time to discover that wild heartbeat within you.

Top 5 Reasons To Hire A Life Coach

Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, life coaching is a transformational process. You begin the process and gradually you and your world change – all for the better and more beautiful. Here are five reasons you might want to hire a life coach.

Patterns and Obstacles

This is the reason I hired a life coach.

It became painfully obvious that I was complaining about the same things: I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the way the sun is shining, and I hate that I have these dreams desires and nothing ever happens with them.

I was tired of the repeating refrain of sadness.

I sent an email to my friend (and now life coach) that said, “I’m sending this email now before I chicken out. I want to hire you as a life coach.”

Listening Skills

I poured out my sad story to my coach in our first meeting. And she listened, and listened, and then kept listening.

There were questions, of course, but mostly she listened.

A life coach listens deeply. Listens with her full self. And, perhaps more importantly, listens without judgement.

And while friends are there to listen, they tend to conspire with you as both judge and jury: you were wronged. Nothing is resolved, other than the fact that you’ll talk again soon.

A life coach, on the other hand, guides you to see your role in the wronging, and to help you figure out ways that it might go different next time.

Encouragement

In addition to listening deeply, a life coach is there to support you every step of the way. She acts as your personal cheerleader, encouraging you with whatever you choose to do.

For some, this may be one of the few times in life where there is encouragement without judgement. If you want to sell your ju-ju beads on Etsy, your coach will be there with you through all the ups and downs.

Accountability

The other thing that a life coach helps with is accountability. I really don’t like the word, but I what it infers. Being accountable means that you are trustworthy – that you will do what you say you will. It means that you are responsible for what happens.

A coach holds you accountable for what you do and say. Together you decide what you want to achieve by the next meeting.

In my case, sometimes it’s very concrete goals: I want to have two blog posts written, or I want to have the outline for the project done. Other times, it’s more fuzzy: I think I want to listen to my intuition and see what it says I need to do.

Your coach keeps track of these goals. And at your next meeting, she will ask you if you accomplished the goals. If you did, great – you can explore how that went.

But what if you failed and just couldn’t finish anything? The answer is still great, and you explore how that went. The point isn’t always to achieve every single goal, but rather to understand your motivation behind the goal and why you were not able to achieve it.

Dreams and Desires

A coach holds your dreams close to her heart. She ‘holds space’ for those things to grow and bloom and flourish in your life.

She helps you explore various possibilities, and then helps you figure out what will work for you to test those possibilities out. And after the testing, she still works with you to hone and further refine your dreams and desires.

And, even better, your coach is there to celebrate all of your achievements – big and small.

Why Hire A Life Coach?

Here are sometimes when a life coach might be right for you:

If you have some things you’ve always wanted to do, but just haven’t gotten around to doing them.
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated with how things are and are ready for a change.
If you’re going through menopause and feeling like everything is changing.
If you’re newly retired and not quite sure what to do with yourself.

A life coach is here to be by your side through these transformations – and beyond. Contact me today to explore your possibilities or send an email to julie AT julieawallace.com.

Despair and the Bright Shining Light of Just Maybe

We like to think that one person can’t change the world. I don’t believe that’s true.

As one person, you have significant impact on your world. The energy produced by your feelings resounds everywhere. Your energy touches all of the people and buildings and cars and plants and animals that you meet every day.

Your energy can be enough to change the world. Or, at least your little part of the world.

But here’s the thing.

That little ripple of your energy goes out into the world and bumps into other ripples. And on and on it goes, a whole universe of ripples, with you at the center, causing motion to begin.

What kind of ripples do you set in motion?

Watch Your Ripples

With fast-paced chaotic lifestyles, it’s hard to be hell bent on peace, love, and understanding.

(Nick Lowe version here because there’s a sincerity here that is undeniable. He really means it. He also wrote the song, FYI.)

Maintaining a positive outlook and hope for the future of the world is a challenge.

In fact, it’s much easier to be negative. Complaining is easy.

No doubt at some point in your life, you’ve been the one talking up the latest tragedy, bitching about work, or bemoaning your latest aches and pains. Once you start complaining, it cycles on and on..

But caught on the wheel of negativity, despair meets you on the way down. Despair leads you to think that there is no reason to bother to hope that things might change because they never have and never, ever will.

Despair-Be-Gone

Therefore, do your best to make the signals you send to the world be filled with joy and happiness, peace and love.

It’s easy to write that.

But boy, is it hard to put into practice. I fail miserably.

I fail every time I get angry at work, and every time I’m angry at that slow driver in front of me. I fail every time I cuss out my cat for bothering me, and every time I complain.

But I do not despair. I keep reminding myself of joy and love and happiness.

Frankly, even in the depths of depression, I didn’t despair. I didn’t give up hope that somehow, someday, things would change.

What I didn’t understand then, was that I had to change.

What I really didn’t understand was, that as I changed, my whole world changed.

It’s as if I turned on a little light bulb inside myself and started to shine, just a little bit.

Shine On

So for today, do what you can to shine.

Your little light may be the only ray of hope for someone today.

And that sense of hope ripples around the world. Even if your world is just right here, right now.

Shine on, shine as bright as you can.

Illusion, the Q Phenomenon, and We the Good People of Earth

The “Q” phenomenon is sweeping the internet. And if you’re haven’t heard about it, I’m going to do my best to explain it.

In doing so, I hope to keep it fairly simple, and offer plenty of bright shining rays of light. Because where there is light, there is hope.

This is a long post, it’s complicated, and this is deep territory. You may need to take a break, or go for a walk outside for a bit. Then come back and read some more. Just breathe.

Elephants In The Room

When thinking about the whole Q phenomenon, I’m reminded of the parable about the blind men and the elephant.

This group of blind me come upon and elephant and try to form a concept of what an elephant is. Each in turn describes a different part of an elephant.

“An elephant is big and firm,” says the man feeling a leg of the elephant.

“No, no,” says the man feeling the trunk of the elephant, “it is like a thick snake, bending too and fro.”

You get the idea, right? That no one person has the whole picture of the elephant. And that, my friends, is an apt analogy for understanding Q, conspiracy theories, and consensual reality.

Conspiracy Theories

Let’s start with trying to understand what conspiracy theories actually are. Merriam-Webster makes conspiracy easy to understand; it’s the act of conspiring together. And the act of conspiring is, “To join in a secret agreement to do an unlawful or wrongful act or an act which becomes unlawful as a result of the secret agreement. To act in harmony toward a common end.”

So think about a group of people getting together to make (most likely) unsavory things happen.

A theory is, “a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, especially one based on general principles independent of the thing to be explained.” In other words, a theory is a possibility or alternative.

Think about this in terms of love. Yes, love. Could you put love through rigorous scientific tests and prove that love exists? Of course not. Love is something you “just know” exists. It’s something you experience, something you live. I think love is kind of like a theory, an alternative to hate.

Both love and energy have distinct energy. As I wrote in Remember the Loosh and Love, “How something FEELS – matters more than what it’s called... Energy is a hunch. It’s a tickle. It’s feeling and beyond feeling. It’s material instinct, gut instinct, just knowing. Click To Tweet… Energy is that which informs you to trust or not trust the person you just met, to know if a situation is safe or not.”

You know the difference between love and hate because you’ve experienced both. Keep that in mind as you read through this post. Experience and feelings matter.

But conspiracy theory Julie? Yes. Conspiracy theories offer alternatives, possibilities that disagree with consensual reality – with what ‘everyone’ believes is true.

Sometimes conspiracy theories are wrong, and sometimes they’re right. There is debate on when the term ‘conspiracy theory’ started to infer crazy people with tin foil hats waiting for aliens to come and save or destroy the earth.

Illusion and Misdirection

Switching gears now, do you like magic shows? I enjoy them, and even dated a magician years ago. Magicians make you believe in magic by using illusion and misdirection.

The greatest magicians are absolute masters of intentionally direction your attention to something they want you to see. This causes you to not see what is really going on.

There’s a famous magic trick called the Metamorphosis. In this trick, the magician’s assistant is put into a bag, then locked into a box.

A curtain is pulled up over the box, raised and lowered a couple of times. Sometimes the magician stands on top of the box holding the curtain.

Regardless. the final time the curtain drops, the magician has ‘disappeared,’ and the assistant stands in front of you. The assistant opens the box to reveal the magician restrained just like the assistant had been previously.

The truth of this trick is that it’s done with illusion and misdirection. You are deliberately deceived. The box has a false top, a false back, and the bag has a secret opening.

Watch this video and learn. You’ll never be able to see this trick again and not know the secret. Or, at least part of the secret; every magician adds their own special twist to the trick.

Conspiracy theorists posit that aspects of our world are a deliberate ruse – as well planned and elaborately executed as this magic trick. And if that’s the case – if conspiracy theorists are correct even in the slightest bit – then this kind of ‘magic trick’ manipulation has potentially existed for a very, very long time.

The Internet Connection

I imagine you’d agree that the internet changed the world. Perhaps most importantly, the internet connected people. That connection is local, global, and instantaneous.

The connectivity makes it easy to see and detect patterns and symbols like The Mandela Effect, and various so-called Illuminati symbols like upside down pentagrams, all seeing eyes, owls, obelisks, and eternal flames.

The internet connectivity makes detecting ‘fake’ news easy. Comparing notes and reading multiple websites, people quickly noticed that mainstream media (MSM) behaves like a mockingbird. It copies and repeats, changing the song just a little bit, yet the message remains the same: trust the illusion, believe in the magic.

To push the analogy a little further, the connectivity of the internet enabled people to see through the mockingbird illusions at who or what is “behind the curtain.” Basically, the internet is Toto in the Wizard of Oz, pulling the curtain away for all to see what’s really going on.

And Then Came Trump

Say what you will about Trump, but hear me out.

The build-up to the 2016 presidential election was relentless. No matter where you turned, someone was talking about politics. There was no joy in anyone’s eyes; we just wanted it over with already.

Trump won, Hillary lost, and the nation was in shock. One side appalled, one side elated, and most everyone thinking, “what just happened?”

I don’t know about you, but I had a gut feeling that Trump’s victory had a deeper meaning that I just couldn’t see – or wasn’t allowed to see. If our world is designed as an illusion, the election may have just been smoke and mirrors anyway. And the ‘wrong’ guy won…the guy who no one in the mainstream media thought could win did win.

But since the election, a curious thing has happened online. People who might never talk in real life started to talk online.

They started to come together and discuss everything – all the ‘weirdo’ conspiracy theories like how the deep state runs everything, how 9-11 was an inside job, how there was more than one JFK shooter, how the PizzaGate scam was actually real but deliberately covered up, and whole lot more.

And slowly, our doors of perception started to be cleansed. The curtain started to move aside as that pesky little dog, Toto, sunk his teeth in.

The All-Knowing All-Seeing Omnipotent Q

In October 2017 a mysterious voice began posting anonymously on boards. The voice identified itself only as “Q.”

We’re not talking about Q on Star Trek: The Next Generation, although they seem to share some similar characteristics:

There are many theories about who Q really is, but for this story, you don’t have to know the answer to that question. You DO have to understand that Q started to drop clues – also known as breadcrumbs.

Or in Q-speak, “think Hansel and Gretel.”

Hansel and Gretel is a simple story of two children who follow a path of bread crumbs to a candy cottage. They are captured by a cannibalistic witch who keeps Hansel in a cage and makes Gretel her slave. The children escape by outwitting the witch. The Q phenomenon alludes to the idea that, with the internet, we the people are now capable of outwitting the witch AND sinking our teeth into the curtain to reveal the truth.

Regardless, “Anons” – regular folks like you and me – rapidly followed the initial breadcrumbs and began to use their collective knowledge to piece together the parts of an intriguing picture…and one that fit with many conspiracy theories.

The theories seemed to tie everything together: government, entertainment, commerce, military, medical, science. And they tie into things that you and I (the relatively good and normal people of the world) really wish weren’t true like pedophilia, human trafficking, cannibalism, human sacrifice, and more.

Here’s a simple example. Do you find it kind of odd that ten companies own so many brands?

On the other hand, when you start looking at the various breadcrumbs dropped by this Q, that simple image transforms into something more like this:

The map is by Dylan Louis Monroe. Read more about it here.

Crazy, right? And it ain’t just corporations: It’s everything.

For more information on the Q phenomenon, you’ve got to follow Q (aka Follow The White Rabbit, a Matrix reference,) and search and read. Here are some people I like; they have a good way of interpreting the Q posts:

First, for reference, a website with Q posts collected
Fulcrum News (Twitter)
Praying Medic (Twitter)
Sarah Ruth Ashcraft (Twitter) and Christopher Cronsell (Twitter)
Lisa Mei Crowley (Twitter)
Try a simple search of Twitter for Qanon, also.
There are plenty of others, just go looking.

I think the coming of Trump didn’t portend a civil war. Instead it brought a secret, silent war that is (apparently) focused on ending decades of rule by a small percentage of people.

It’s a war you can glimpse at if you follow Q’s breadcrumbs. It’s a war played out behind the curtain, with Q allowing you glimpses along the way.

Start A (Personal) Revolution

For a completely different perspective, astrologers have noticed that stars are aligned at the same positions as they were in The American and French Revolutions. If you have been waiting for changes, they are coming. And you, me, and everyone else will design the results of these changes.

Dana Mrkich’s 2018 report, which I’ve written about before, covers the various star transitions in detail. Regarding the American Revolutionary War, she asks:

What was that war about? What did the Founding Fathers fight for and intend? What did they do right? What did they do wrong? Where can we do better? Where are we aspiring for freedom and independence on one hand, but causing repression, hurt, or injustice on the other?

The first event she talks about is 1773 Pluto in Capricorn at 21 degrees: that’s the Boston Tea Party, the ‘culmination of a resistance movement” against the taxation of tea.

That exact degree isn’t repeated until 2019, yet we are starting to feel the effects already as tensions are building. Frankly, if you’re not already feeling tense just reading this post, I’d be surprised.

Mrkich further suggests that the Boston Tea Party (and any other event that happens in this long Pluto Transit) was then and will be going forward about power: “getting rid of old power structures or dynamics that no longer serve, so that a more authentic power can emerge.”

Further, she writes that there is, “…destruction, demolition, and dissolution, before the new can be born.” She writes, “Pluto also reveals things that have been hidden and going on behind closed doors…”

That’s what the Q phenomenon is about: revealing hidden stuff. Lots of it. And starting a conversation about what to put in place once the hidden stuff is out in the open.

The Pluto in Capricorn transit continues through to 2036-2037. Frankly, the transformation of our world is only just getting started, and WE get to make it happen.

Good People of the World Unite and Shine Your Lights

These things I’ve talked about are all tiny cracks in consensual reality. They shine a light on a collective Pandora’s Box that holds some might ugly things.

Don’t look away. Don’t stick your head in the sand and say, “oh no not me.” We are all in this together. And by and large, we are good people.

We love our families, neighbors, communities, children, and have dreams about the future. We love our pets, your pets, and all of nature. We have many differences, yet we strive to listen and respect those differences. We care deeply.

As the years move forward, remember these things. Remember love and free will, and kindness and caring. Act on forgiveness. Reach out.

Q often uses the phrase, “Where we go one, we go all.” We are all together in this.

“All for one, and one for all.” We are the musketeers. We are the ones we have been waiting for to transform our world. You, mean, and everyone else will design this new world together.

Breathe

Now, with all of that information. Breathe. Remember love? That thing you can’t quite describe, but know it when you feel it? Feel it now. Remember beauty.