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Mission 2022 May

In 2022, I’m combining lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals.

But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

So how was April?

April’s Tarot Card

I did a tarot spread for the full year and April’s card was Coming To Life. It asked me to get out of my own way and let spirit lead. It was a reminder here to try to not coax or push the dream forward.

This was a month of wait and see. It was a month where I definitely allowed spirit to guide me. I was tempted so many times to take off to another town for the day to hit the thrift stores, but then realized I really didn’t need to do that. I was OK with staying at home (and I did hit the thrift stores here.)

The end of April always gets me excited about buying new things to plant outside. Unfortunately, it’s also the time when allergies attack. While daffodils and tulips and trees are busting out leaves, I’m holed up inside waiting for the trees to wrap up their leafing out. At that point, it’s nice and warm and all the plants that overwinter in the house are ready to go outside – me, too.

Write 250 Words A Day, 5 Days A Week

Still working on this one. Last month I said I’d have a chat with my inner child and we’ve come up with a plan. There will be words written in the coming months for sure.

And, to be clear, this is words each day for personal projects. For work I’ve been writing up a storm – and more than 250 words most days. 250 words, by the way, is about 15-minutes worth of writing.

Revamp WordStorm Casserole Poetry Book

Not happening. I’ve got other things on my mind now.

Post Twice A Month On This Website

Oops! April went by and I only posted one time.

DeGoogle, deApple, deMicrosoft – embrace Linux!

Why? Because Google, Apple, and Microsoft all track your every move online and that’s wrong.

In April I used my Linux machine all of the time for personal use: checking personal email, watching YouTube videos, checking social media. I used it to watch Star Trek: Discovery on Amazon Prime. I didn’t creep back over to the Windows computer at all; it hasn’t been turned on since March.

Though I have to say I haven’t been happy with the Linux genealogy program, Gramps; I guess I just prefer the program I’ve used for years – Legacy. I’ll have to see if it will work in a Windows emulator and/or dig into Gramps a bit more.

Have Fun

Sigh. It was sprinter: spring and winter, but really more winter. Brrrr.

In that one weekend where spring attempted to gain hold, I spray-painted a table and lamp. Sadly, I did not take before or after photos, so this will not become a craft blog.
I went to the Zonta rummage sale at the library and scored on a couple of cute pieces of clothing for summer.
On Easter Sunday family gathered at mom’s house. First time we’d all been together since Christmas.
I got massages, bought an air fryer, and colored my hair fuchsia, blue, and purple.

Big Secret Goal #1

Not very much hear. That will change over the next few months.

Big Secret Goal #2

This goal involves hiring pros. Finally got an appointment set!

What I’m Reading

On GoodReads, I have a 2022 Reading Challenge goal of at least 50 books. Since the last update I’ve read:

The Dressmaker’s Gift by Fiona Valpy
Birthright by Nora Roberts
Write Away: One Novelist’s Approach to Fiction and the Writing Life by Elizabeth George
A Sunlit Weapon by Jacqueline Winspear
The Shadow Land by Elizabeth Kostova
Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey
The Last Mrs. Summers by Rhys Bowen
That means I’ve read 18 of 50 books for the year!

How About You?

How was your month?

Mission 2022 April

In 2022, I’m combining lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals.

But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

So how was March?

March’s Tarot Card

I did a tarot spread for the full year and March’s card was Deep Freeze which reminded me to not push or force anything forward. I was admonished to rest, hibernate, and wait for the flow of life to happen.

Talk about accurate!

Life carried on, of course; I worked Monday-Friday 9a-5p at my technology job. I cooked, I read, I did laundry – all of those things that you do to keep life moving – not necessarily moving forward.

It was too cold, too wet, too grey and cloudy.

And I lost Ivan, my 18-year-old cat. He’d been in my life for 18 years. The day he passed I sat and felt that grief. Mixed in with grief was a sense of release; I’d been anticipating the time when I would be “cat free” again. It’s been 20+ years and now I have to figure out how life will be different.

You can’t rush that kind of transition. Other kinds of transitions happened easily for me in March; it really wasn’t hard to let go of tea and sugar. I’m still amazed at both of these and darned proud.

You can’t rush the kind of transitions I’m thinking about for this blog, either. So I’m honing away at the ideas and we’ll see what develops as the year moves forward.

And it will move forward.

The snowdrops are blooming and I can see daffodil and tulips starting to poke up in my front yard. Spring and all that lovely green is on the way here in mid-Michigan!

Write 250 Words A Day, 5 Days A Week

Yeah, this is NOT happening the way I envisioned.

I mean, I write 250 words a day, 5 days a week for WORK – not on creative writing. That’s what I was picturing…

Writing for this blog definitely counts, and that’s OK with me.

Revamp WordStorm Casserole Poetry Book

Not gonna happen. My thought here was to revamp the book, and add it to different websites, lower the price. I *thought* I’d be ready to do that in March or April.

Nope, no way. It’s still something I want to do, but there’s no hurry.

Post Twice A Month On This Website

Yes! I did publish two posts in March! There was the March Mission Update and Transitions.

DeGoogle, deApple, deMicrosoft – embrace Linux!

Why? Because Google, Apple, and Microsoft all track your every move online and that’s wrong.

In March I continued to use my Linux machine most of the time for personal use: checking personal email, watching YouTube videos, checking social media. I used it to watch Star Trek: Discovery and now Picard on Amazon Prime. I don’t think I turned my Windows machine for anything in March.

Have Fun

March was not a month for ‘fun.’ It was cold and wet and Ivan and ick.

I listened to a couple presentations during the online genealogy conference RootsTech at the very beginning of the month.
I walked with a friend once a week
I had a couple massages.
I used that Buy Nothing app to let go of some accumulated cat paraphernalia
I bought myself new rugs, new bed sheets and duvet cover.

Big Secret Goal #1

I worked on this a bit in March. Baby steps count as progress!

Big Secret Goal #2

This goal involves hiring pros. Finally heard from the pros. They’d lost my initial inquiry and are now working on a proposal and estimate. Sigh.

What I’m Reading

On GoodReads, I have a 2022 Reading Challenge goal of at least 50 books. I’ve read 15 books so far this year; that’s 30% towards my goal. Since the last update I’ve read:

The Last Mrs. Summers by Rhys Bowen
Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey
The Shadow Land by Elizabeth Kostova
A Sunlit Weapon by Jacqueline Winspear

How About You?

How was your March? What big dreams and projects are you working on for this year?

Transitions

The last four weeks or so have been about transitions. Deep winter is gone, and now we’re in almost-but-not-quite-spring.

Even though the calendar says today is the spring equinox, living in central Michigan I know darned well there could be more snow. I hope not. I am so ready for daffodils and tulips.

Bye Bye Tea and Sugar

In February my doctor told me I needed to lower my cholesterol. In an effort to do so, I’ve let go of most tea and radically minimized my sugar intake. That’s a major accomplishment and transition. Yeah me!

I have had a total of three cups of green tea over that time. I used to drink at least two hearty mugs of black tea a day, and more on the weekend.

It did take some time to get used to the new, not bouncy me, but it’s better. I’m more mellow and considerate, less likely to do things on impulse.

I was already eating oatmeal every day, walking a bit here and there, but still eating cookies. Lots of cookies. So I decided to minimize my intake of sugar.

I ate the last of the double-stuff Oreos, then bought some chocolate bars from the local co-op. After a meal, I mindfully eat a little chocolate.

Mindful Eating

There’s an exercise I learned years ago while working at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. You take one raisin. You observe the raisin. You put the raisin in your mouth, and then slowly eat the raisin so you can really, truly taste that raisin.

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing with chocolate.

I snap off a couple small hunks of the chocolate bar. I take a tiny bite of chocolate and then I savor.

The chocolate melts in my mouth. It is so utterly satisfying, I rarely desire more sweetness.

I finish the small hunks and am a very happy woman.

It is some kind of miracle, really, and a lovely transition.

Go Away Clutter

Another thing I’m slowly working on is letting go of clutter. This will take a LONG time as I have so much stuff – here, there, everywhere.

The other day I took a car load of miscellaneous stuff to the local thrift store. I’ve also gifted several things via Buy Nothing. This is an app that connects you with others in your area. You “gift” things you no longer need to someone else. You can also “ask” for things you’re in need of. You can also post a “gratitude” to say thanks.

I’ve gifted two cat towers, leftover cat litter, a fridge calendar, and more. Highly recommended.

CSA Time

Along with highly recommending Buy Nothing, I’d also suggest getting signed up for a local community supported agriculture (CSA) to support a local, organic farmer.

For around $300, the farmer grows and delivers veggies. For example, I will get a stove-top full worth of fresh veggies from June to the end of October. Between the CSA in the summer and HelloFresh in winter, I minimize the amount I spend at the grocery store. It’s less waste and less work – winning!

Find a local CSA through Local Harvest. I subscribe to Monroe Organics out of Alma, MI; they have a pickup a couple of blocks from my house on Tuesday.

Farewell Ivan

The final transition to talk about is the passing of my last cat, Ivan. On Facebook I described him as magnificent and cranky.

The 18-year-old rarely met anyone besides me he liked. At the vet’s office, his paperwork said he was evil – and he really was for them.

But for me, he was a constant companion and friend. I will miss him sleeping on my chest or right next to me, miss him sitting on my lap at night while I read. I picture Ivan romping in the warm sun with his sister kitties Jasmine, Ravine, and Nebula. No doubt there will be hissing involved.

With Ivan’s passing, I have transitioned to be completely cat free. This last week has been oddly quiet. No little patter of feet, no sounds of Ivan jumping onto the bed.

It’s also been exciting. Ivan required wet food twice a day mixed with pumpkin and Miralax. I can’t remember when I went somewhere spontaneously and spent the night – it was well before Covid.

I moved the litter boxes to the garage, rearranged some things.

I could never have rugs in the house because Ivan (or one of the other cats) would urinate on those rugs. So this week I bought two new rugs and rolled out an old one I’d been saving just for the day when I was cat free.

Your Turn

Wow! That’s a lot of transitions for me. What kind of transitions is this change from winter to spring bringing in your life?

Mission 2022 March

In 2022, I’m combining lessons from the heart with some –cough cough – goals.

But I don’t like the word goals, so it’s a quest, a journey, a mission: that for which I am destined.

So how was February?

February’s Tarot Card

I did a tarot spread for the full year and February’s card was Rescue which admonished me to ask for help from spirit and people and places and whoever whenever. It encouraged me to see reality as it is, and to trust spirit.

As I write this, it’s Sunday, March 6. It seems like February is already months away, but it’s been less than a week.

March signals the end of what I call deep winter. I can start to think about not wearing Smartwool shirts, wool sweaters or heavy fleece jackets, and Sherpa-lined sweatpants all day, every day.

If the sweatpants get retired for the season, I’ll start wearing my Norsari’s a lot more; they’re perfect for wearing over anything when it’s still chilly…or when you’re sitting around reading books or writing all day.

Daylight Savings Time is starting soon, the days will be getting longer, and the official start to spring is coming soon, too. A lot of the snow has melted, but we’re still stuck with mud and piles of grey, melting snow. More snow will come, too, as our last frost day isn’t until May.

It’s definitely not warm enough for most plants to start budding, so the world is gloomy. I think my spring allergies will be here any day now, and man, I’ve got to do some spring cleanup in the yard.

Write 250 Words A Day, 5 Days A Week

Still working on this one. Looks like I’ll need to schedule my time, and I’m incredibly resistant. My inner child wants nothing more than to do what she wants when she wants; my adult, current age self totally appreciates that philosophy, but…if you have missions, there may need to be some sacrifice. I’ll have to have a long talk with my inner child.

Revamp WordStorm Casserole Poetry Book

Still working on this one; it’s looking like this will be paused, but I haven’t made a final decision.

Post Twice A Month On This Website

Yes! I did publish two posts in February! There was the February Mission Update and You Should Read This.

DeGoogle, deApple, deMicrosoft – embrace Linux!

Why? Because Google, Apple, and Microsoft all track your every move online and that’s wrong.

In February I used my Linux machine most of the time for personal use: checking personal email, watching YouTube videos, checking social media. I used it to watch Star Trek: Discovery on Amazon Prime. And yes, I occasionally crept back over to the Windows machine for files.

Have Fun

Sigh. It was February and soooo cold. I am not a winter person at all.

I downloaded an app called Likewise that makes suggestions for what to read/watch/listen to next based on TV shows, movies, books, and podcasts you’ve already consumed.
I walked once a week with a friend. Walked, outside and everything, in the cold, cold winter. It’s fun to walk and catch up on our lives.
I went two two movies during the Central Michigan International Film Festival. I saw a biography of chef Anthony Bourdain called Roadrunner, and then a documentary on the resurge of vinyl records called Vinyl Nation.
I had a birthday and turned sixty I had a yummy dinner with my sister and a friend brought me a plant and chocolates.
I had a craniosacral massage, too!

Big Secret Goal #1

I worked on this a bit in February. Baby steps count as progress!

Big Secret Goal #2

This goal involves hiring pros. Still waiting to hear from them to schedule an appointment date for further discussion and planning. The document and Pinterest board should prove useful.

What I’m Reading

On GoodReads, I have a 2022 Reading Challenge goal of at least 50 books. Since the last update I’ve read:

The Crossing by Alex Landragin can be read two ways. At the beginning of February, I’d read The Baroness sequence. During February I read the book cover-to-cover.
The Husband’s secret by Liane Moriarty.
I’m really surprised I didn’t read more in February! Where did the month go?

How About You?

How was your February? What big dreams and projects are you working on for this year?

You Should Read This

In January, I talked about transcending the animal and the power of a simple smile as it relates to learning and unlearning behaviors. This month, let’s look at the words we use to talk to ourselves. One word I continuously work at eliminating from my self talk is should.

The Way You Talk

The way you talk to yourself (aka self talk) is important to your well-being. And I know you talk to yourself because everybody does.

I live alone so I’m either talking with myself or talking with my cat. Quite often I’m talking right out loud to an empty house. In my humble opinion, it’s perfectly normal to talk with yourself.

The way in which we talk with ourselves is often scripted. We learn what to say and how to think from friends and family when we’re very young. We learn as babies and toddlers. We learn in grade school and then as we move into middle and high school and try to differentiate ourselves from that home environment.

The “scripts” we learn when young are interpreted by us as the final word, as the thing that we should never be questioned. We learn:

You shouldn’t do that, the neighbors might notice or
You shouldn’t do that, it’s embarrassing to our family or
You shouldn’t do that or you’ll get in trouble
You shouldn’t wear that, someone bad might notice or
You shouldn’t wear that – it sends the wrong message
You should do this thing here
I think you should do this, say this, be this
You should care more about
You should go to this (event, place, etc.)
You should believe this (and not that)
It’s even in headlines like “Investigators should examine” and “X should have looked at.”

As very young children, we hear these words. And then going forward, they stay with us until we learn how to rewrite the script and take charge of our thoughts.

Should Is Debt and Obligation

The dictionary definition of should shows that it is the past tense of the verb shall. The etymology of shall goes back to Middle English, Old English, High German and was defined as ought to, must.

But the etymology point that interested me the most is from the Lithuanian skola. Depending on how it’s written, skola can mean school; however, it can also mean to owe, a debt, duty, obligation, being indebted, or to lend or borrow. That is more what I’m talking about.

Think about the energy behind the word should, the history and ancestry of the word if you will. We humans are all products of the ancestors who have come before us. Words, likewise, carry the energy from which they emerged.

When we speak, “You should care more about…” there is a LOT happening notwithstanding the energy of the person speaking those words. That person might be angry or happy or sad. It may be a friend simply suggestion that you try something new out.

Should, however it is used, implies that you ought to, that you must, that you are obligated, and that you are indebted to the person who made the suggestion. And ultimately, should is about shame.

Rewrite The Script

Merriam-Webster defines shame as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” They say it is “a condition of humiliating disgrace or repute” or “something that brings censure or reproach.”

So literally every time you think “I should do….” you are shaming yourself. You are reproaching yourself, you’re making yourself feel guilty. Feeling guilty leads to feeling angry, which leads to more should, and the whole darned thing just keeps circling.

Part of your job as an evolving human is to break your circle of shame and rewrite the should script. This is ongoing inner work and it can transform your relationship with yourself, which then changes the way you interact with the world.

Three Things To Try

When should appears in your self talk, this article suggests replacing should with “might.” That leaves you under no obligation or debt and keeps the door open for possibility.
Adjust the tone of your inner voice. Practice speaking to yourself with love and patience.
Embrace your inner child. It may sound sappy, but it sure works. Make your adult self the knight in shining armor for your younger self. Listen to her fears with an open heart and respond authentically. When your inner child feels safe and secure, your adult self feels better, too.

I’ve definitely changed the tone of my inner voice over the years, and I have a decent relationship with my inner child. I’ve never tried replacing should with might – yet.

What about you: Do you “should” all over yourself?